I’m at the airport waiting to board a flight to Hong Kong. I’m so excited about being back there and my upcoming trip to Japan.

I’ve got a lot of mixed emotions about leaving Thailand. This place has been my home for the past 5 months. I’ve hit some rough patches here, but for the most part it’s been good. I saw my thai friend yesterday – lunch, massages and movie day. I’m going to miss them. As well as the comfort and security of SB’s apartment. Last night I took a leisurely walk home through Lumpini park. I knew I still had to pack, but I wanted to say goodbye to Bangkok. Once I got home I had the hardest time getting myself to pack and then when I woke up this morning I had this feeling of dread inside me. I’m so excited about being back in Hong Kong and living out my dreams – especially my upcoming visit to Japan. I really can’t figure out where the sense of dread is coming from. There is a lot of uncertainty in my near future which could be it, but I’ve gotten so much better at rolling with uncertainty that I really don’t think that’s it. If I had to guess, which I don’t, but I will, I’d say it’s about the uncharted territory of dating again that I feel very close to. I do plan to date once I’m settled. It’s hard, though, since I’m pretty uncomfortable with my body right now. I will keep in mind what JS told me in a dream and just take it slow. I don’t need to jump into bed with someone and don’t think that behavior will lead me to a boyfriend. Plus, I don’t plan to date anyone without a kind heart and any guy I’d want to date will be wiling to wait until I’m ready to take it to the sex stage. I’d certainly give someone I wanted to date all the time they needed to prepare for sex. It’s unfair of me not to give myself the same accommodation.

I talked to both my brothers about an hour ago. It was nice, but really drove home the fact that we’re all living such different lives right now. Or rather, that I’m choosing to live my life differently. Running all around the world, really. My older brother is doing a good job in my opinion of trying to get to where he wants to be, a better place, one of fulfillment and happiness, but my twin brother is floundering a bit. I see him reaching, hoping for something more, something better. I think he’ll get there, in time. Everything should be figured out in time.

Gratitude List:
SB and all his kindness
Getting to talk to my brothers today
Saying farewell to Thailand and the wonderful adventure I’ve had exploring this country. I may not have any trinkets from here, but I’ll cherish the memories, for a lifetime.