I wrote something and submitted it to a contest. I got an email about the contest a couple months ago and thought “I’m going to enter that,” but of course never sat down to actually write something.  With the deadline approaching I kept thinking about it, but still never sat down to write anything.  I did write a little bit last night and then I got up and wrote the rest of it today. I’m not super proud of it, but I am proud of the fact I actually got it written and submitted. Usually when I get ideas like this I end up bailing on them. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be either. It really wasn’t that hard at all. The hardest part was making myself sit down and actually write it. That part was like pulling teeth. Anyway, I’m glad I got it done and that I submitted something.

It’s strange that I’m leaving tomorrow. Being at my parents’ house has been really nice and now this feels like my new reality, despite how bitterly cold out it is and how much I don’t want to be around the cold anymore. My mom, dad and I went and got dinner tonight. Tomorrow evening my mom is going to drive me back to Minneapolis where I’ll stay with a friend before flying out on Wednesday. It’s strange to be leaving here. I don’t want to look for jobs and I certainly don’t want to be working.

I didn’t get nearly as much done today as I’d hoped. I did make it to the gym which was awesome.  I ran for 3 miles and then went another 8 on the elliptical machine. I’m totally spent right now and ready to go to bed. I’d like to make it to the gym tomorrow, but I have to pack which is going to take me a long time and I’d also like to create a video so I can apply for a reality tv show. I’m not sure that’s actually going to happen. We’ll see. If I just make the video tomorrow I can do the application later on. I’m more worried about the video than the application.

I just feel like sleeping and sleeping for a really long time. Tomorrow is going to be busy though. I am excited to be back in NJ/NY. I’m not super excited about job searching or figuring out an income, but it’s time I start doing something more with my time. It’s been nice going to the gym and being a bum this last month I’ve been in the US, but I’m ready for more. I also took a look at my credit card balance which is swelling quickly now that I’m back. It’s time to have an income again, that’s for sure.

Gratitude List:

A nice dinner with my mom and dad

Writing something that somehow else will read

Running at the gym

I had an interesting thought today.  For a while I’ve been thinking about how I start my day with morning pages and then I finish my day recapping things.  Normally recapping things that I end up going over the next day in morning pages.  I guess my point is that it’s a bit redundant. I’ve been reluctant to quit KP and just do morning pages, but I’d like to do something a little different because I don’t feel I need to continue doing both in the same way.

Tonight I realized I should start writing short story every day.  Every day.  I seem to do much better when I’m updating things on a daily basis.  That way I know I’ve got to do it everyday and I do.  If I try to do something once a week it never actually works.  Writing a short story every day would also help me not over think them or worry about having to write something perfect. Instead, I’d just bang out everyday and that would be that. Not a whole lot of thought beforehand and I’d hopefully get past the pressure or writer’s block or whatever it is that’s keeping me from doing it now. Everyday without fail I write short story.  It could be one paragraph or 5 pages. Maybe some days I’ll use to rewrite a story I wrote on a different day by making it different in some way.  I imagine if I start doing this on a regular basis I’ll get pretty good at whipping out stories that are pretty meaningless, but fun.  And, it would be great practice.  I’m going to think about this more tomorrow and figure out where I should post them. I could keep them on my computer in a file or I could make a new account somewhere and use that to post them. Hell, I could even re-purpose KP and use it for the short stories I write. I think this is a really great idea and I’m pretty sure I’ll start doing it soon. I’d definitely gain a lot out of it. I’ll commit to doing it for a year. After that year I can reevaluate.  How fun!

I went to the Y tonight. First, I did 10×4 squats with the bar. I’m pretty determined to do squats with the bar for months before adding any weight. I know if I don’t I’ll only overdo it and that I’ll certainly regret. I don’t want my knees to regress. After the squats I ran 2 miles on the treadmill. I went at a pretty easy pace, but did keep increasing the speed so when I ended I was at least going faster. Once I finished running I used the elliptical machine for an hour. It was a good trip to the Y. They are not open very late on Sundays so I won’t make it there tomorrow. Now that I think about it, I probably will only make it there a twice more before I leave my parents’ house. I can’t believe I’m only a few days away from leaving. That’s a strange thought.

I had a nice reprieve today from the terrible, gross, as-big-as-a-house way I’ve been feeling about myself lately. It was nice. I hope that I have more in the near future.

Gratitude List:

An enjoyable and rewarding workout at the gym

A nice time with my mom doing some errands in town

A good idea as far as writing goes

Positive things about today:  I spent some time reading, I meditated for 40 minutes, I went to the gym and exercised, I didn’t eat excessively.

Negative things about today:  I slept for 12 hours last night, I took a nap after meditating, I didn’t work out as long or as hard at the gym, I feel tired and slightly depressed.

Ways I can make tomorrow better:  get my ass out of bed without sleeping forever and ever, exercise at the gym, do something productive and constructive, get out of the house.

Today wasn’t really bad, but it wasn’t very good, either.  I can’t say I really want to have another day like today.  Tomorrow can definitely be a better day if I try to make it better.  I know the things I can do.  I feel like I’m stuck in a rut right now and it’s not a lot of fun.

Gratitude List:

Meditating

Getting myself to the gym

Chatting with a guy online

I’ve had the lazy day I was hoping for. I haven’t left the house, nor have I really done anything. It’s been nice, but I’m feeling a little stir crazy and like it’s probably time for bed.

Thanksgiving was nice. The food was great and Gma came over to eat with us. It was nice spending time with her.

I’ve been watching tv for a while now. I’ve really only been up for 12 hours which is sad, but I’m tired and still feel full despite it being many, many hours since I ate anything.

I feel so discontent with my weight. I hate feeling so thick and gross. It definitely doesn’t help that I gorged on food today. I think I’m making progress and at least turned the corner on everything – basically no longer digging myself further into the hole, but actively working to get myself out of it. I just want faster progress and a reprieve from the way I feel. With any luck I’ll find that soon. I could be doing more as far as my diet goes. I’ll have to start focusing on that.

Gratitude List:
A nice thanksgiving with the family
A relaxing day
The desire to change

I woke up early this morning.  Well, for most people 8 am isn’t early, but for me it is.  I’ve had a full day.  I went into town for a dentist appointment and then went and bought a suit.  Afterwards I sat at a coffee place and read a book and then went to the gym.  It’s nice to have things to do.  Normally I sleep in until 11 am and then laze around the house for a while before actually doing anything.  Today was a nice change of pace.

Tomorrow is going to be way busier than today.  I’ve got to get up around 8 am again so I can drive to the cities and meet with Jim.  I’m basically going to be running around Minneapolis all day tomorrow going from one thing to the next.  It’ll be great.  I get to see some people I haven’t seen and I’ve also got some appointments and health checkups I’ve been wanting to have.  I’m also going to my old OA meeting tomorrow night.  I really hope that a lot of people show up.  That was a great crowd of women and I’ve missed them.

I went and saw a movie tonight.  I enjoyed it.  It’s nice to have time like that to just sit and focus on something relatively mindless and let my mind wander and not really work.  I usually keep it pretty occupied with things.  I also meditated today which was great.  I’d really like to get that practice up again and not have it be so sporadic.  I have the time right now, it’s just a matter of sitting down and doing it.  I enjoy meditating and feel there are a lot of benefits from it I experience so that’s pretty good motivation.

Gratitude List:

Sitting to meditate today

A busy, productive day

Spending the evening with my parents

I did an elliptical machine marathon today.  It took me 3:16 to complete all 26.2 miles.  It wasn’t as hard as I remember it being.  When I used to do them in NJ I would get off the machine feeling totally spent, nauseous and concerned I wouldn’t be able to walk downstairs to shower, much less drive home.  It was a lot of exercise today, but throughout most of it I felt fine and didn’t experience any moments where I didn’t think I’d be able to keep going.  I’m not sure if I’ll try to do another one before I leave.  It’s nice to get the exercise.  It would be nice to start feeling like I’m getting more results and looking slimmer.  I know that will come, but I’m impatient and want things to happen now now now.

Aside from the marathon, I didn’t do much of anything today.  Tomorrow I’m going to have a much busier day.  I have a dentist appointment in the morning (yay!) and afterwards am going to look for a suit in Willmar.  The one I have here is definitely not going to work.  I might stop by a coffee place and read a book for a while after looking for a suit and then I’ll probably go to the Y afterwards.  I’m not sure I’ll use the elliptical machine at all tomorrow.  I’m going to see how I feel when I get there.  It would be nice to get some exercise.  Maybe I can do some squats and then deadlift.  It would be good for me to start lifting more weights.  That’s for sure.  I’d really like to become beefy and strong.  I love doing cardio, but I want to look muscular and strong.  Cardio isn’t going to get me there.

Gratitude List:

Spending the evening with my mom

Surviving an elliptical machine marathon after only being back at the gym for 2 weeks

Going to the dentist in the morning

I went and saw the new Hunger Games movie tonight.  It was pretty good.  I enjoyed seeing it.

I’ve been eating lots of sugar again.  I didn’t even try to avoid it much today.  Tomorrow I’m going to try to do a better job.  I went to the gym and did some squats with the bar and then used the elliptical machine tonight.  It was a good experience.  I am still hoping to do an elliptical machine marathon one of these days. Maybe it’ll end up being tomorrow.  I’m going to try to get to the gym earlier in the day so that I have enough time for a marathon if I choose to do it.

I’ve still be sleeping a ton. It’s so cold and dark here.  Blergh.  I went to bed around midnight last night and got up at about 11 am.  I haven’t been setting an alarm, but rather just getting up whenever I wake up.  It’s a nice way to live.

M called me tonight which was really nice.  It was good to talk to her.  I’m excited about going back out there.  They are really good to me.  I’m also excited to figure out a sustainable life on the East Coast.  With any luck I’ll find a job that pays me enough to live at least a decent life.

I keep seeing 2’s repeating which I take as a good sign.  Definitely!

Gratitude List:

A relaxing time watching a movie

A nice workout at the gym

Being reminded just how smart I am

I’m back at my parents’ house. I have to say, I’m looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight. It was great to be in Minneapolis around friends for the last few days, but I’m really excited I can sleep in tomorrow and relax. I’m hoping to make it to the gym to do cardio for a few hours and the rest of the day read and hang out with my family. It’ll be nice.

It’s really only going to be a couple more days and then I’ll be going back to the cities. I should figure out who I’m going to see and what I’ll do before going. There are quite a few people I’d still like to see.

Gratitude List:
A great time seeing friends in the cities
Getting to visit some old haunts
A made up mind about going out East

I’m annoyed I lost the update I wrote last night. It wouldn’t post for some reason and I was tired so I just let it be. When I logged out of the app and signed back in it disappeared. Boo!

Oh well, I’ll survive.

I had a super busy day. I met got to do many things around Minneapolis today that I enjoyed. Today was the first day that I did a bunch of stuff I used to do when I lived here. I’ve enjoyed, but I don’t think I want to be doing it full time again. I’m excited to move to NJ and the East Coast.

Josh called me and asked me to go to WI with him tonight. His dad had to go to the hospital and he didn’t want to go alone. It turned out to be not a big deal and we turned around halfway there so it ended up being a long, 4 hour road trip. I’m glad we’re back in St. Paul. I’m tired and ready to go to bed. I’ve been tired for hours now. I hope I get used to MN and how cold and dark it is soon. It’s so cold and dark here!

Gratitude List:
Being back in St. Paul and ready for bed
Getting to see many people today
A new perspective

Today was, more or less, the same variation on all the days I seem to be having while staying at my parents’ house.  It was nice, though.  It might not have been very exciting, but I got to enjoy being around my family and do some things that supported living a healthy life.

I set an alarm for the morning, but just hit the snooze button for a long time.  I probably would have been better off not setting an alarm at all.  I think I’ll set an alarm for tomorrow and hope for a better morning.  I’m going to visit a friend in the cities and I’d like to get on the road as early as possible, but I also need to drive my brother into town to pick up his car which might not be done until later on in the morning.  It’ll work out fine, I’m sure.

So today I wrote morning pages like I always do after waking up.  I then went to the gym and used the elliptical machine for only an hour.  To be honest, it was a bit of slugfest and I wasn’t sure I was even going to last the full hour. The day before I went for 2 hours and I could tell my legs are still tired from that.  I made it the whole hour by doing that thing where I keep telling myself “pretty soon you’ll only have 40 more minutes to go…. soon it’ll just be 30 minutes…” all the way until I was done.  It was not easy.  After the gym I got my eyes checked, drove back to the lake and meditated for a full 40 minutes (woohoo!) and then gave myself a short Reiki session. I’ve meditated for a full 40 minutes a couple times this week now and it’s really nice to get back into it. It’s been a while since I had much of a meditation practice.

This evening we played 500.  My brother and I lost to our parents. It was a long game that turned out to be quite fun.  I’m glad we got to play.

I’m really excited to be in the cities tomorrow and get to see my friend.  He’s fun and a really great person to bounce ideas off of.  He’s smart and knows a lot about many different things.  He’s also a great person to talk to.  I’ve missed him.

Ok, I’m off to bed.  I love how I can feel the muscles near my ribs since they’re sore from the working out I’ve been doing.  I always want to have progress right away so it’s been hard to not feel like I’ve made much even though I’ve been going to the Y for a little over a week now. I’ve basically been killing myself when I go over there so hopefully I’ll be able to see some progress soon. I know if I manage to keep it up for another month or longer I’ll really start seeing some results. I think once I go out to NJ I can make a habit of getting to a Y out there. I’m not a very long train ride to Newark so I can probably start working out at the Y there.  I’m really grateful to be exercising again and feeling like I’m at least starting to dig myself out of the whole I’ve gotten myself into with all the eating and not exercising these past couple years.  So far so good!

Gratitude List:

Devoting time to spiritual practice throughout the day

The opportunity to play cards with my family

A difficult day at the gym, but rewarding none-the-less