I’m on the bus headed back to Jersey now. I stayed in the city last night. It’s been a fun weekend. On Friday we went to this hip hop thing in Harlem that was put on in this cool, old stage house. I didn’t love the event, but I did enjoy doing somehing different. 

Last night I went to the art museum in Brooklyn for a monthly event they have (free of course!). I’ve never been there and really enjoyed walking through the galleries. They also had a holistic group doing different presentations. I went to a short presentation on crystals as well as healing with accupressure, both of which were interesting. I’d like to do some more research on the accupressure one. All in all it was a really fun night. I love art museums! We also ended it at this delicious Mexican restaurant. I ate a steak burrito bowl. Yum!

Today we went to China town. We walked around for a few minutes and then popped into a massage place. Andrew really wanted to go and I have no ability to turn down a massage. It was definitely $50 I don’t have to spend like that, but still an enjoyable experience. That’s for sure!

While getting the massage it dawned on me: what I really want to be doing right now is traveling. I didn’t get it out of my system, I merely whetted my appetite for international travel, living abroad and exploring this big grand world. Being stuck and stationary for any length of time isn’t going to work right now. I really want to take off again. Some things need to be tweaked and changed over my last experience, but I think I can make those changes. I have a hard time with this realization. I’m such an analytical person and logic in every way, shape and form is telling me that finding a job, getting myself in a better financial situation and settling down for a while is what I need to do right now, but then when I’m able to connect with my heart and my feeling nature, the only option I have is to travel. I feel stuck. Like I think I should stay here, but my heart isn’t in it. As a result, I’m not looking for jobs or doing anything that would enable me to stay. But, since traveling seems like an unwise decision (financially and for other reasons) I’ve not been able to move forward with that either. So I do neither and make no progress on staying here or going somewhere else. It’s frustrating. I also imagine as long as I’m working against what I know in my heart and refusing to live my truth, it’s probably not going to work out. My truth right now is traveling. The sooner I accept that the easier things will be and the quicker I’ll find myself in a state of peace. I’m going to appeal to my higher power to help me. 

Edit: I also forgot to mention, while we were in Chinatown I looked at Andrew and said “I just can’t decide if I should leave or go” and immediately realized I had my answer right there.

I feel emotionally spent right now, largely because of all the caffeine and sugar I’ve consumed today. We ate lunch in Chinatown and I had eggplant because it reminded me of living in China and I also ate dumplings with soup in them which were fantastic. It was an expensive day which is not good. I put a bunch of stuff on my credit card. I need to stop doing that. It wasn’t a ton of money or anything, but it’s certainly money I don’t have.

I almost forgot: I went to Church. The church was beautiful, but the service was boring and devoid of any spirituality (that I could pick up on, I’m sure other people found it). After church I went to a meeting which happened to be on the 11th step and the woman shared about her spiritual practice. It was very interesting and just what I needed. I’ll maybe check out another church service here or there, but really meetings are where I’m going to connect with my higher power. I really don’t think I’ll be finding my HP in or through a church.

Ok, this has been nice. I didn’t do MP this morning because I didn’t want to drag my notebook with me yesterday. It’s great to get all of this stuff running through my head out. Yay!