I can’t believe it’s been over a week since I posted an update. I don’t remember the last time I went this long. Every time I would think about it I just didn’t feel like it. And not that I was just too lazy, I was actively avoiding writing anything. I don’t feel like there’s much to say and I’m not happy with things as they are now. It’s almost like since I don’t have anything good to say or things I can be proud of right now I don’t even want to see you KP. I’m sorry.

Tomorrow I have a job interview for a part time gig at a large financial company. I’d be a contract worker working through a temp agency – basically so the actual company wouldn’t have to pay me benefits and whatnot. I’m not super excited about the interview, but it would be nice to have some money coming in again and a part-time job might be tolerable. It would only be about 20 hours/week. The pay isn’t great, but it’s also not terrible. I am in no way excited about this position at all. It sounds totally soul-crushing. I also hope they offer me the job. I imagine I’ll be able to suffer through it for at least a while. Plus, some money is better than none and only working part-time would give me loads of free time to investigate other things (or just draw).

I drew yesterday for the first time in months. I sat down and decided I was just going to throw something on paper and not worry too much about how it turns out. Well, it turned out really well and as I continued drawing I liked it more and more. I also had this moment of profound clarity surrounding drawing and how much I’d like to be doing it more. I have read writers who talk about writing and that it’s like tantamount to breathing for them – something they must be doing in order to survive. I don’t feel that way about writing. I like writing and normally enjoy doing it -especially when it comes to being clever and humorous, but I don’t feel that passion and need as much. I do feel that when it comes to drawing, though. Like my soul needs to be doing it or I simply won’t be happy or able to breath. I’m not doing a great job of expressing this, but yesterday was a really profound moment in regards to all of that. I definitely found a lot of clarity. What I do with that will be another matter. I hope I get over myself and my insecurities and find the strength to follow my dreams and allow myself to be vulnerable as far as the drawing goes. I need to take some risks.

As far as the last week goes, I went to CF 5 times least week. This week I’ll probably do the same. I’m really enjoying it. Everyone is nice and my knees seem to be tolerating it quite well so far. I hope that continues.

I’m off to bed. I was hoping to fall asleep earlier tonight because I’ll have to get up early if I’m going to make it to the interview on time. Well, it’s not really early, but it’s much earlier than I’m used to getting up. I plan to meditate before falling asleep tonight. That is something I’ve been doing much more consistently lately. I’ve basically been hitting 40 minutes a day for the past couple of weeks. I think it’s been really helpful as far as everything is concerned. And it doesn’t even feel like that big of a chore. I just sit right before bed. After I meditate I go into a Reiki before I fully fall asleep. It’s nice.

Gratitude List:

Finally taking the time to write an update

A job interview tomorrow

CF going well