It’s so strange that it’s 2015. I think this will be a good year. I hope so anyway.

I went to a meeting last night and again tonight. Andrew went with and after both we went to fellowship. Yesterday was difficult because I slept really late (par for the course these days) and didn’t drink any pop to snap me out of the funk I was in. I sat at the table at fellowship feeling disengaged with the group and conversation and like I was the most boring person who ever lived. This went better tonight. I’ve just been so out of it lately. I’d consider going on an antidepressant to help me get through this rut, but I don’t have insurance to see anyone and I imagine the wait would be forever, too. I seem to feel better once I drink some caffeine and with any luck starting CF again will help.

I didn’t write morning pages this morning. I don’t think there has been a morning that I haven’t done morning pages since I started well over a year ago. I thought I was going to make it back to NJ last night, but after going out with Andrew realized the trains the were no longer running so I stayed at his place. It was nice because we then hung out in the city all day. We went and saw a movie and visited a used bookstore where I bought a couple books. I enjoyed today.

I really don’t have that much to say. I enjoyed the people I met today. I have to get more serious about job searching and figuring out an income. I talked with M about it tonight and she brought up a few good ideas and even looked online for jobs I could apply for which gave me some great ideas I hadn’t thought about. I’m really not as doomed as I sometimes feel, but I’m also concerned I won’t be able to dig myself out of the funk I’m in on my own without some kind of medical intervention (of the pill variety). We’ll see. Things are anything but settled and with any luck I could turn this around.

It’s past 4 am and I must go to bed now. I’m super tired and ready to sleep for the night. I got up early(ish) today and I hope to do the same tomorrow. I don’t want to sleep all day like I’ve been doing.

Gratitude List:

Checking out new meetings and making some new friends

A new book by an author I’ve been wanting to read for a while

Solution oriented people who see things from a different, more approachable angle