Well… I slept in. I woke up around 11:30 this morning. I think it was worth it. I seem to be sleeping too few hours followed by too many. It’s not a great system I have, but hopefully it’ll smooth out. Tomorrow I am going to get up, go into the city and help a friend move. It’ll be nice to have something to do.

I’ve done nothing today. M came home because she wasn’t feeling well. We ended up watching tv for hours. I seldom watch tv and it’s been such a long time since I spent an excessive number of hours doing it. I always feel just wiped out and brain dead after watching tv for a few hours. Sure, I’ll stare at my computer screen all day, but watching tv is another story. I really need to try and avoid doing it like I did today. What a waste. The day was pretty relaxing. So that’s at least good.

Gratitude List:
A relaxing day
Being reminded that spending the day watching tv is never a good thing
Taking a look at some opportunities online and scoping out what’s out there

I am sleeping in tomorrow with no regrets. I might even make the whole day about watching movies and doing as little as possible.

I went into the city today. I walked all around for hours. I attended 3 meetings and even got my haircut. I could go back into the city tomorrow, but I think I’d be better off having a day of rest. Yes, definitely a day of rest.

Gratitude List:
A whole bunch of meetings today
Seeing a friend from my time here before
A day of rest ahead of me

I’ve done very little today. Last night I went to bed without setting an alarm – it’s one of my favorite things to do. I slept much later than I anticipated, until about 11:30 am. Once I got up, I decided to have a relaxing day around the house. It did end up being pretty relaxing.

I’ve set an alarm for tomorrow because I’d really like to get up and go into the city. There is a meeting around noon that I’d like to attend. I’d also like to wander around Central Park for a while and then there’s another meeting in the evening I’ll probably go to. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a meeting day.

I realized today I might be better off just making something work out here. I booked a flight back to Minneapolis in a week and half. I’m going to go to meetings and think about/explore possible opportunities. I figured meetings and networking would be a great way to see what’s available. Going through job postings is never much fun and the jobs I’m more interested in I don’t have the qualifications for. The jobs I am more qualified for don’t interest me in the least bit. I know something will work out.

I prayed this morning. I just felt like I needed to. It was good. I also feel like I got some clarity I otherwise might not have achieved.

Gratitude List:
Getting to sleep in today
A relaxing day of not much
Trying to make positive, healthy changes in my life

I went into the city this morning. It was fun. I walked quite a bit. I also joined MoMA. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I hope I use the membership at least a few times so I feel like it was worthwhile to join. I don’t have much (any, really) money right now so it was a splurge.

I’m really tired. I’ve been awake since 3 am and am looking forward to bed. I can’t imagine it’s going to take more than a few minutes for me to fall asleep. I think I’ll go into the city again tomorrow. I’d really love to wander around Central Park. I bet it’s beautiful right now. I might wake up in the morning and decide I’d rather not make the trek into the city. I’m just going to play it by ear. I really don’t have any idea what I’d do around the house all day tomorrow if I don’t go. I’m sure I could entertain myself. it might be nice to just sit around all day, too. I’ve been around people a lot since getting back to the US. It’s been nice, but some alone time would also be nice.

Gratitude List:
A fun day in the city
Some things to think about
Green and Black chocolate

I crashed early last night. It was around 7 pm that I went upstairs and laid down. I didn’t feel tired at the time, but shortly after laying down I was totally out. I woke up this morning around 3 am and have been up ever since.

I’m going to practice Reiki this morning and then go into the city. I’m not totally sure what I’ll do, but I’m excited to go. I would love to check out a museum. I also really like the idea of walking around Central Park. It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful fall day and I imagine it’s really beautiful right now with the leaves changing color. Tonight I’m going to meet Andrew and see a show at UCB in Chelsea. That should also be pretty fun. I hope that being in the city gives me some perspective on what I want to do and what I think would be best to pursue. With any luck, I’ll start developing a more specific plan soon. I don’t want to be idle forever.

I keep brushing up against this very real, deep sense of despair. M and M got up and went to work this morning. Suburban NJ is … a lot to deal with right now. I can’t help but be here and think “Is this really all there is?” I don’t think I’ll fit into this cookie cutter box that so many seem content with. Routine, buying and accumulating, having stuff and living the life I see (or perceive) so many people around me living isn’t going to work for me. I mean really, what is the point to it all? It just seems so banal, mundane and pointless. Where is the higher good? What is the higher good? Will I ever find it? Or, will I slowly watch my soul die as I start to live the American Dream? I have no idea who’s “dream” this is, but it’s not something that’s going to work for me; it’s not mine. Ugh.

Gratitude List:
Getting to spend the day in NYC
A nice weekend
Sleeping well, if a bit strange in terms of hours

I had an American Moment in the cell phone store today. I hate companies that treat customers unfairly. There wasn’t a lot I could do so I more or less acquiesced and signed up for service. I was hoping to get a new phone, but since they didn’t have any in stock I needed to have them ship. It’s getting shipped to MN so it’s most likely going to be a while until I see it. I’m excited for it, though.

It still feels really strange to be back. I woke up early today and went to a meeting. That was nice. Tonight M and A and I went to some benefit dinner in Newark. It was really interesting. I want to be dating and meeting people. It’s time. There were a lot of cute guys at the benefit.

Gratitude List:
Getting phone service
A pretty relaxing day (naps included!)
Going out to an interesting event this evening

I survived the flight home! It was long and the planes were old. I expected to have a tv and be able to choose movies to watch on the 14 hour flight home, but that wasn’t the case. The flights went pretty smoothly which I’m grateful for.

It’s strange to be back. Like yesterday I was still in the midst of this living/being abroad experience and now it’s an experience in my past I’m no longer having. I went through a lot of different emotions after the flight landed this evening. I am glad to be back, but it still feels surreal.

I can’t believe I’m still awake. I’m so tired at this point. I can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow. Yay!

Gratitude List:
Getting to see and spend some time with M and M
Being back in the states
Being done with a long day of travel

I’m on the train back to Delhi! I wish I had a reservation at a nice hotel. I think what I’ll do is go to a cheap place in Paraganj (sp?) and pay for a room for just a night. I can then look around and decide what to do. If the hotel or guesthouse I find is decent I’ll just stay there. If it’s terrible or I want something nicer I’ll find a different place to go. I think the rooms I was looking at might be more expensive because it includes nights on the weekend. If I stay somewhere cheap Saturday night I might be able to find a deal for something else on Sunday or Monday. I could also take a bus to Shimla which I’ve heard is more relaxed. Maybe what I’ll do is stay in Delhi Saturday and then go to Shimla Sunday night and come back on Wednesday. Hmm. That could be cool.

I’d also like to do something nice for Ramesh. I could see if we can get a bus to Agra to see the Taj Mahal someday before I leave. If I stay in Delhi I’ll see if he’s interested in something like that. A bus to Agra (or the trains) really can’t be very expensive. I appreciate all the help he gave me when I first got to Delhi. I really don’t want to stay at his place when I’m back tomorrow, but I would like to see him and hang out.

I’m really excited to go home. I don’t know what I’ll do from here, but something amazing beyond my wildest dreams is going to materialize. I just know it is. I’m excited to feel more like the person I was when I left, but a whole person now. I’ve let go of so much and grown and changed in ways I think will really benefit me. I can’t wait to be the new and improved me.

I’m so glad my India adventure will be over soon. My abroad adventure is going to be over soon. Wow. Strange, but good, too.

Gratitude List:
Being on what could be my final train ride in India
Less than a week to go!
Having options and exploring those options

It’s really strange to think that in less than 4 hours I’ll be in a taxi on the way to the airport. The day of traveling I have ahead of me isn’t going to be a lot of fun, but I’ll get through it and when it’s done I’ll be at M and M’s house in NJ. The next bed I sleep in will be in the United States at a very good friend’s house.

I’m excited to see them. M is great and a natural therapist. It’ll be helpful to see her and have her assistance processing this experience I’ve had abroad as well as get her advice on what to do going forward. She always has something to say about that.

I’m trying to work on trust. I know that my higher power will guide and direct me. I haven’t felt a strong connection with my higher power lately – or at least not as strong as in the past. I also haven’t been meditating at all lately. I really want to start doing that again regularly. I love meditating, but have fallen out of the habit of doing it again.

I suppose I should get to bed. I’ve got an early start tomorrow and as it is right now will only have a couple hours to sleep before I have to get up, shower and get to the airport. I’ve got well over 20 hours of travel time ahead of me. I also haven’t really figured out how I’m going to do it when I get to NYC. I think I’ll maybe just take the train all the way to Roselle, but then I also figure when I land and I’ve been traveling for over 20 hours at that point lugging my suitcase and backpack into the city on a train and doing that might be more than I can handle. If that proves to be the case I’ll take a shuttle of some kind to Newark and see if M and M can pick me up from EWR. That would be a pretty easy way to do it.

Gratitude List:
The strength and courage to go back to the states and pursue something else
A wonderful, difficult, fun, depressing time abroad
Trust and faith in a power greater than myself

Wow, I only have tomorrow and then I’m gone. It’s crazy! I’m so excited to go home. A part of me is dreading it, but not really dreading it so much as trying to avoid thinking about the uncertainty of it all. I don’t know where I’ll live or what I’ll do for an income. Those things scare me. Boo! I know it’ll all work out. I just wish I had a clearer picture of how. Things will become clear. There is something truly special and remarkable waiting for me. I just have to rise up and claim it. And trust. I have to trust.

I met Paula tonight. It was nice to do something other than mope around on my own. I kind of wish I had tried to buy some other souvenirs to give people, but that’s ok. I don’t really need to give anyone anything.

I’m looking forward to sleeping in again. Yay! This bed is really comfortable and I won’t be able to sleep in on Friday because I’ll have to leave here at 3 am to get to the airport. Tomorrow I will book and pay for the taxi to take me there. Woohoo! I’m so close!

Gratitude List:
A nice evening seeing a new friend
Yummy food for dinner
Only having one more day to go!