I have a super exciting opportunity ahead of me.  My life is going to massively change again, soon.  I’ll be back in the US in not too long.  I’m really excited for some things – being able to join a gym and work out regularly, being able to date again, seeing my family and friends, as well as the ability to pursue a new course. I’m not excited about other aspects of being back – mainly the job/work situation.  I don’t know what I’ll do to support myself. I’m open to doing a lot of different things. My main concern is that I’ll become overwhelmed with the job search and lose hope.  Or, feeling overwhelmed with the job search and having lost hope, take a job that I know won’t be right for me so that I have an income again.  This past year has been really difficult and when I’ve found myself working a job my heart isn’t into it’s been excruciatingly difficult to continue showing up and working.  I just don’t have that tolerance anymore.  I hope to remain positive and make something happen relatively quickly.  Finding something that I like to do that pays me decently enough would be remarkably wonderful.  I have a lot of skills and positive traits.  I’m also funny as shit, fun to be around, people like me and as a result generally want to help me if they can.  I need to remember that.  People like me and want to help me when they can.  Accept help. Done.

I didn’t really enjoy today.  I felt perturbed all day and my mood was noticeably off.  I went to a yoga class thinking that would help things, but it really didn’t.  I even found the guy running the class to be annoying as shit and didn’t want to spend much time around him at all.  He was one of those know it all types.  The only joy I got out of that class was seeing the flash of anger when I asked him, in front of the other woman who attended class, about getting the 5th class free after paying for 4.  I don’t have much intention of going back there so it won’t actually apply to me, but I think she’ll be getting a free class tomorrow.  Fucker.

I think I’ll leave for a trek with Sushil sooner rather than later.  Perhaps on Friday.  That means I’d have to pack everything and get it out of this apartment tomorrow.  I’m ok with that.  I don’t have much else I have to do tomorrow.  I’m going to ask Marla if I can store a bag at her place and then I can stay there when I get back from the trek.  I’ll probably just be there for two days.  I also plan to book the bus tickets back to Kathmandu tomorrow.  I’d really like to get better seats and I’m hoping if I book the tickets far enough in advance that she can make that happen.  My tentative plan is to go trekking, come back to Pokhara and then a week from Sunday leave for Kathmandu.  I can get the Indian visa processed and then book a flight to India.  I don’t really want to book one until after I have the visa.  I’d rather wait until the last minute rather than booking a flight and being nervous that I won’t be able to make it.  I’m also thinking I’ll skip the Buddhism course in Kathmandu and just be on my way.  At this point it just feels like that would be prolonging the inevitable and I’m not sure I’d really enjoy it.  I’m ready to get home and tarrying any longer doesn’t appeal to me.  It’s not like I won’t be able to travel again.  And who knows, maybe I’ll find some great job that involves traveling a fair amount and I’ll get to see the world on someone else’s dime.  That would be amazing!

Gratitude List:

The desire to stay positive and not let my negative emotions run amok

Finally moving on from Pokhara and this apartment

Being able to look forward to another few days of trekking!