Today was neither good nor bad.  I can’t say I really enjoyed it, but I didn’t feel like I was at my wit’s end, either.  I suppose it’s kind of a sad, in a way, when not being at the point where I feel ready to breakdown is a positive thing.  I’m certainly not living the fullest of lives right now.  Nor am I greatly enjoying the life I am living.  Blergh.

I spent a long time today on this website that pays you to post comments on blogs and forums.  It’s basically a scam.  After 4 hours of time spent doing this I still hadn’t accumulated enough points to cash out for $4.  I will admit, a good part of my time was spent doing things like familiarizing myself with the sites, signing up for an new email address and other things that would be quicker if I tried doing it tomorrow.  It think what I’ll do tomorrow is see how many posts I can create in an hour.  If it’s still abysmally low I’ll bail on the site altogether.  I suppose it was good that I’m finally trying to make money online, but this site is definitely not the best of places to try to do that.  I think even making $5/hour would be quite difficult on this site.  And really, it’s just mind numbing work staring at a computer.

Tomorrow I’m going to spend some time drawing.  Perhaps quite a bit of time drawing.  I don’t want to start at my computer and I feel like I’ll get a better return on my investment of time if I spend it drawing versus trying to figure out some scam website that’s never going to result in my making much money.  At least the drawing I could try to sell at some point.  

It’s hot and humid here.  The temperature doesn’t seem to have dropped much since the sun went down.  I feel gross and sweaty, but I’m tired so hopefully will be asleep soon.  That would be really great.

I’m ready to go home.  I’m actually not even sure I want to go to India.  I could try to fly directly to Minneapolis or NYC from Kathmandu and not even get the Indian visa processed.  I’ll think about it.  I mean I’m here and was hoping to go, but these last few days I’ve just felt over it and like I’d rather just go home and be done with this.  I suppose I could just fly to India and then decide whether I wanted to stay.  I could even just go to the Taj Mahal or something like that and then take off quickly.  We’ll see.  I don’t need to make any decisions right now.

Gratitude List:

Finally being able to go to bed

Enjoying a relaxing evening watching a funny DVD on my laptop

Trying to surrender…. Trying