I slept pretty late today.  I haven’t really been doing that since getting to Nepal.  I took half a magnesium pill last night.  They always make it difficult to get out of bed in the morning so I assume that had something to do with it.  I’m ok sleeping until 11 am today, but I really, really hope it doesn’t become habit.  I like keeping a better schedule than that.  

Today was very relaxing.  After sleeping in I did morning pages and had a relaxing morning.  I found myself at a restaurant down at the end of hippy town for lunch this afternoon.  It was nice to sit there, read and eat good food.  I like that place because I never seem to spend nearly as much as I do other places around town.  Plus, it’s still good food.  I’ve been to restaurants and spent quite a bit on food that was definitely no better than mediocre.  Maybe I’ll go back there for lunch again tomorrow.  I liked the tables they have near the lake.  I could easily sit there and draw!

Speaking of drawing, I did some more of that today.  I started one a few days ago that’s not really a drawing.  I just drew a couple shapes.  I wasn’t taking it very seriously and I have no intention of putting it on the wall.  I put more thought into the drawing I started earlier tonight.  I like it quite a bit.  Although, I like its component parts.  A part of me wishes they weren’t in the same drawing, though.  Like they both look good, but not necessarily together.  Oh well.  As a first real drawing after a 4 month break I’ll have to take it easy on myself.  I do think it’ll turn out well and I’m looking forward to finishing it tomorrow and finally have something new that I can put on the wall.  Yay!  I’ll probably even try to start another one tomorrow.  I like drawing.  I’ve missed doing it.

I met a friend for tea this afternoon.  I made plans to meet her in the evening at the same place I ate lunch.  They have live music.  We sat in this hut thing with some short tables and cushions on the floor. The music was pretty loud, but you could still sort of talk.  The hut we were in filled up with people pretty quickly.  It was mostly those hippy(ish) stoner types that Pokhara seems to attract.  They were passing around joints.  The marijuana doesn’t really bother me, but then H showed up and he brought a big cup that he’d filled with whiskey and coke.  As soon as he poured some into a glass I could smell the whiskey.  It smelled like he’d mixed it the way I used to – like 90% whiskey and 10% coke.  That I found a little overwhelming and definitely triggering.  It’s been quite a while since I was at a meeting.  I should really do some research and find one to attend in NA.  Even if it’s mostly in Nepali, there will be guys there who speak English.  And really, just going to a meeting helps.  

I didn’t stay at the restaurant long.  I ate and listened to music for a little while, but it just wasn’t my crowd and I wasn’t very interested in making new friends.  I was grateful to get out of there and come home.  Once I got home I mostly drew, listened to music and podcasts.  It’s definitely my preferred way to spend a Friday night these days.  Getting older is awesome!

I’ve been feeling like I could use some closure on the whole bipolar thing.  In fact, I feel like I could use some closure on nearly all of my 20’s.  The problem is, I don’t really know how to put that behind me.  I’ve been thinking about trying to get a hold of one psychiatrist I met with for a couple years when I was diagnosed.  I looked up her number tonight.  I even tried to call.  I was grateful when, after several rings, her machine picked up.  I really have no idea what I would have said if I’d gotten her on the phone.  There’s definitely a conversation I’d like to have with her.  I think it could be very enlightening for me.  And really, she might get something out of it as well.  I plan to try to call her back again.  The biggest problem with reaching out to her is that I have no way for her to contact me back since I don’t have a US number I can receive calls on.  I’ll give it some thought.  I could try to coordinate a time I can call her back.  I really think that I would benefit from having a conversation with her.  Who knows, it could be just what I need to put all of that behind me once and for all.  I don’t need answers, I just want to speak my truth to someone who had a lot to do with things surrounding my diagnosis and the information I received at that time (or at least what I heard – I might find a discrepancy between what I remember being told and what I was actually told).

I’m excited to finish my drawing tomorrow.  I hope I wake up in the morning knowing exactly what to do to finish it.  It’s so close to done!  There is just a little part left that needs to be filled in.  Right now I have no idea what would be good to fill the space with.  

Gratitude List:

Having the desire and courage to seek a much needed resolution

Being more than content spending Friday night doing things I love – at home by myself

Being able to see the beauty in the world around me