Today was much, much better than the last couple days.  I like Pokhara and am glad I’m here.  I think that a month will prove to be more than enough time to bum around, eat and recover.  I don’t need to make any decisions regarding the future right now, though.  And if there’s one thing I’m really great at it’s putting off making decisions until the last possible moment.  Yay!

I spend most of the day reading a book on my laptop.  It’s been a very relaxing way to spend time.  I also meditated today for the first time in 2 weeks.  I can’t believe that it’s been since the meditation course that I actually sat and meditated.  It was really nice to do!  I’m thinking about setting an alarm and going to the early morning (7:30 am!) yoga class.  I’d like to be getting some more exercise and the class would be a great way to do that.  I’m just not sure I can make it somewhere that early in the morning.  I’ll set an alarm and see how I feel in the morning when it goes off.  I was thinking about going to the evening class today, but it was suggested that beginners attend the morning class first.  I know that yoga would be really beneficial for me to get into so I should make more of an effort to get there tomorrow.  I could start practicing a couple days a week easily enough.

I’m also hoping to start drawing more.  I didn’t spend much time doing it today.  I’d really like to draw something like I was drawing before.  The one I started yesterday won’t ever become much of a completed drawing.  It’s been a nice way to ease back into it.  I didn’t realize that taking 4 months off from drawing would result in me being so rusty.  It’s ok though.  I’ll get back into it quite easily if I just put forth a little time and effort.

I ran into H briefly today.  He clearly wasn’t very interested in saying much of anything to me.  We said hellos and were cordial to each other.  I really would still like to be friends with him.  I hope that in a week or so we can grab dinner or hang out some night.  He’s a great guy.

Surprisingly it’s not raining tonight.  It’s been raining and lightning like a lot these past few days.  The power is out now so it’s also quite warm still.  The rain seems to cool it down.  I like sleeping while it’s raining, too.  It’s comforting somehow.

I’m really grateful that I didn’t feel as homesick or like my life is doomed today.  I felt that way for about 2 days and seem to have mostly snapped out of it.  Depression, and little mini depressive episodes like that, is something I’ll probably have to deal with for the rest of my life.  I hope they decrease with frequency, intensity and length, but I assume that will be determined by how much of a meaningful life I’m able to build for myself.  It’s tough being abroad and unrealistic to think that I’ll never encounter tough days – especially considering my sordid mental health history.  It’s comforting to know, in the moment, that I will snap out of it.  It always feels like it’ll never end when it’s happening, but I realistically now know that I always snap out of it.  I’m not sure why my brain always feels like whatever I’m feeling right now will continue on forever.  I’m grateful to be getting old enough to realize that’s not the truth.  I always snap out of it.  These days I tend to snap out of it much quicker than I did in the past.

Gratitude List:

Taking time to relax while doing more productive things – like reading.

Feeling more hopeful for my immediate and long-term future

Feeling grateful for this period to be quiet, reflect and regroup