I had a lovely day.  Just lovely.  I went to bed last night without setting an alarm and allowed myself to sleep in which was so wonderful.  I got out of bed around 10:30 am and had an extremely slow morning.  I wrote morning pages, listened to music and relaxed.  Once I got hungry, I showered and wandered to a restaurant not far from where I’m staying.  There I ate absolutely delicious chicken tikka masala with butter naan and drank a small pot of milk tea.  It was heaven.  I brought my laptop and responded to a couple emails while relaxing.  I sat at the front of the restaurant and basically watched the cars and people go by on the street.  It was great because I barely heard any horns which makes Pokhara a great respite from KTM.

After a couple hours I decided I should wander on the path near the lake.  I went for a pretty long walk just taking in the sights and the sounds of the place.  The lake and view is immensely beautiful.  I still wasn’t able to see the major mountains that are behind the lake because the clouds obscured them from view.  I imagine it will be even more beautiful when I am able to see them.  After wandering around the lake, I decided I’d draw for a while and started looking for a suitable location.  I didn’t make it far before I ran into the Australian, Paula, who’s currently living in Delhi.  I really like her.  She’s great!  It was a lucky coincidence I ran into her, too.  She was on her way to a yoga class and invited me along.  I joined her and really enjoyed the class.  It was difficult, but not too difficult.  There was also a wonderful period of laying on the floor and meditating at the end of class which I really enjoyed.  I am hoping to get up in the morning and attend the morning class with her and our English friend Susie.  It’s going to be sad when we all disperse and go our separate ways, but at dinner tonight I met a nice Canadian is who is planning to hang out in Pokhara for a while.  She seemed quite interesting and was very friendly.  I got her phone number so I’ll be able to give her a call and hang out on occasion.  She also spent about 6 months in India which could make her a great resource for my trip there.  

I know it’s just been one full day I’ve been here, but I really like this place.  I could see myself hanging out here for a while.  Maybe even quite long-term.  I’ve got to figure out the visa situation and see how that works, but it’ll all get settled easily enough. I could also skip flying back to NYC for M and M’s wedding to save on money, but I’d really like to go.  Plus, it would make two Christmases in a row I’ve missed if I don’t make it to Minnesota this year.  Thankfully I don’t need to make any decisions right now. A clear path will fall into place if I just give it time.

I found myself connecting with that older, funnier self I’ve so desperately missed.  I heard that deep, guttural laugh of mine many different times today.  It was such a joy.  I have felt like that person who feels joy and exhibits an extremely dry, terribly clever sense of humor was lost – perhaps forever.  It appears Nepal may have resurrected him.  I’m really grateful for it, too.

I am feeling more inclined and motivated to figure out freelancing or some kind of online income.  It probably won’t be an ideal way to make a living, but for a while it could be cool to allow me to stick around here and continue living this traveling, wandering life I’ve come to love (and hate).  Going home doesn’t have the appeal that staying abroad does – even when I factor in being more stationary and being able to work towards a goal.  I really think I’ll be able to get there if I continue working at it.  I really enjoyed writing the email to my Seattle friend in Istanbul. 

Several years ago I was in northern Minnesota with my family.  My mother’s family has a cabin on a river that connects to a large set of lakes.  It’s basically my favorite place on Earth. We went every year growing up, but it had been at least 7 years since the family had gone.  The last time we went I was 21 and in the midst of my second manic episode – totally out of control at that point.  My older brother was also in the regional treatment facility getting treated for his mental illness and drug abuse.  It wasn’t a super great summer for the family.  After that summer, my mom didn’t go back for many years and I know it’s basically her favorite place on Earth, too, because she went with her family growing up and has lots of memories of the place.  So anyway, we went back and I took a picture of myself with the lush, green forest behind me.  There was also a beautiful stream.  The sun was reflected on my face and I snapped this picture of myself.  After taking it, I couldn’t imagine my good luck.  Admittedly, I tend towards the narcissistic.  The picture contained this beautiful, genuine smile.  And, I looked good.  It was probably the first time in my life I was truly happy with how I looked.  Or pretty happy, anyway.  I remember taking the picture and worrying that something would happen to it before I had internet again and could email it to myself.  I just couldn’t believe how happy I looked.  It had been such a long, hard struggle to find that happiness.  

My point is, I sent an email today that I really liked.  It was well written and it was kind of the first time I realized that I’m actually a pretty good writer.  It wasn’t perfect or anything, but I enjoyed writing it and think it came across quite well.  I saved the email to my computer so that I can refer back to it for inspiration.  In fact, I’m thinking about switching it up a bit so that I can use it to start a blog.  I really need to start a blog and start pursuing my actual dreams of supporting myself writing.  Or perhaps supporting myself through art.  It’s time to follow those dreams.

I’ve got to get up early.  It should be good.  I’m hoping to join the morning yoga class so I’ll need to be up around 6:30 in order to make it. I’m really looking forward to the class.

I forgot something I wanted to mention, but now I can’t remember it.  I’m sure as soon as I close this it’ll come to me.  Oh well.  

Gratitude List:

More new friends and more new friends.

Reconnecting with the ability to feel joy.

Spending some time writing.