Things have been difficult lately and I’ve been thinking a lot about coming home for many different reasons. I’m partly homesick, but I’m also ready to pursue something which I’m not sure I’ll really be able to do abroad. This last week was especially rough since I was trying to find a new room to rent and getting stressed out about it. I’m sick of the place where I’m currently living. It’s chaotic, loud and just an awkward situation. I found a place yesterday and made plans to move in tomorrow. The guy who is renting me the room in his apartment is super cool. I think it’ll be a really nice place to live for a while.

Based on my mental health history, it’s unrealistic to think that I’ll never feel depressed again or go through some rocky patches. Despite that knowledge, it’s still tough to admit when I’m struggling mentally. I was mildly depressed in China and this super stressful situation in Turkey that I shoved myself into was, in retrospect, not the best idea. I’ve always had to test boundaries – to see how far I can push myself before I break, both mentally and physically. The problem is, you never know where that boundary lies until you’ve crossed it.

I still might decide to come home. And honestly, if I do it’ll probably be pretty soon. This teaching job is really stressful right now because I don’t really know what I’m doing and the hours and pay are fucking terrible. I hope that things improve now that I’ve figured out a better place to live. If I can focus on the teaching for a month or two and get things under control I’ll stick out the rest of the contract. If not, I’m out. I’m nobody’s bitch for the amount I’m getting paid. Let’s skype sometime soon! I’ve got a few days off at the end of July and I’m debating going to Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. The problem is, I only have 5 days off including the weekend so I wouldn’t have much time at all. Plus, I’m totally broke and going to be running a monthly deficit from here on out. Boo!