I finally booked a flight to Antalya. I was immediately struck with remorse and guilt after booking it. I haven’t purchased a place to stay while I’m there yet. It’s possible I’ll get up tomorrow and decide to cancel the flight. I know it would be good for me to extricate myself from this situation for a few days and Antalya seems like an economical way of doing that. I’m stuck in this terrible cycle of not trying or doing much and then I feel terrible about myself for not trying. I’m in the thick of it now, though, which makes it nearly impossible to actually proceed past and make some meaningful change.

On a brighter note, I did go for a ‘run’ this afternoon. That I greatly enjoyed. I walked a lot of it, but I also ran for spurts. I know if I continue running I’ll get to a point where I’m walking less and less. I’ve been here a month and haven’t done anything more strenuous than walking since I got here. I’ve also become exceptionally focused on my discontent with my body image right now. I know that it’s just a symptom of how out of control I feel like the rest of my life is. I wouldn’t feel so bad about it if I felt financially secure. Blergh.

Tomorrow is a new day. A day that could be better than today. A day filled with hope and promise. It’s really what I make of it.

If life were always easy we’d never learn, grow and change. I want to learn, grow and change. The challenge of right now will facilitate that. I’ve got some things to do tomorrow and I’m hoping to get out of bed earlier or at least get a better step on the day. Actually, now that I think about it, I could run to the school and pay for the class. That’s maybe what I should do. Hmm. I’ll investigate further in the morning.

I am excited about Antalya. It’ll be great to get away for a few days.