I have realized that the part-time position I was offered is maybe not the best. I still think I’ll give it at try because it’ll get me some experience teaching in Istanbul and I’m really not sure I’ll like teaching adults. This will be a pretty low-pressure way of figuring out if teaching is something I want to pursue or if I just need to walk away from that idea altogether. I think this is a good opportunity to help me figure that out. I won’t be teaching that many hours and it’ll be pretty easy to walk away from if need be. I wasn’t very impressed with the school and the pay certainly isn’t the best, but even if I only stick around for a couple months that will be ok. From what I understand there will be a hiring push come September and I can jump to something better at that time if I choose.

I was walking home tonight and had this feeling of contentment. Like there was nothing outside of myself I needed in order to feel content. This past year I’ve been turning to sugar to fill that whole in my soul, but since getting here actually I’ve found it much easier to resist the sugar binges. I still sometimes choose to eat a chocolate bar or whatever else, but I don’t feel as much like I have to as I did in China or Thailand. It’s really nice. I hope it continues.

I like this city and think that staying awhile would be really great. It’s also possible I’ll find another opportunity somewhere else and flutter off. If that ends up being the case I’m ok with it. I’m just flowing with life right now and trying to listen enough to follow where I’m lead.

My mind has been going today on the feeling I have fairly often that none of this life is real. Like this world I inhabit is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I’m not sure why I slip into that mode of thinking. It could be the case that something external has affected me which then means I fall into this line of thinking as a reaction to that. I’m not sure what that would be though. Maybe it’s just a moment of clarity. Who knows. We’ll see where that line of thought leads me.

I am going to watch a class that is taught by the director of studies at the school where I’m planning to start working in the morning. It’s a 4 hour class so I’m not excited about it, but I really want to see what’s expected of me as far as teaching goes. There are no office hours and I’m not paid well enough to spend a lot of time outside of class preparing for class. I’m not even sure that kind of thing is really expected. I suppose I’ll find out tomorrow. I might not stay for the whole 4 hours, but I don’t have much else going on so it’ll get me out of the apartment and moving in the morning. In the evening I’m planning to go to the meeting and afterwards have plans to hang out with a guy from the program. He’s gay and teaching here so I’m hoping to get the lowdown on those things.