I’m really grateful everyone at work is treating me so much nicer than I’ve treated them. I’ve been a dick at certain times these past few months and have been an even bigger dick the last couple of weeks. Now that I’m needing to rely on people for help getting everything ready to leave China, I’m grateful many are still willing to help me. I lose sight of things at times and act in a way I’m not proud of. It’s something I’ll try to keep an eye on in the future. I’ve recognized the pattern at least. That’s a step in the right direction, I hope.

I feel like I’ve awakened from a trance. These past few months I’ve been telling myself this story about how bad China is, how much I hate working at my school, and blah blah blah. I think I got caught up in all of that and couldn’t find my way out. China really isn’t that bad and the school I’m working for really isn’t that bad. Sure, it’s not been the best place for me to be, but the people are nice and there’s really not a whole lot that’s expected of me as far as work goes. This situation could definitely be worse. I’m not sure how I lost sight of that. I really do need to work on changing the story I tell myself – especially in light of how easy it is for me to get brainwashed by it. I hate it when this happens. It hasn’t happened to this extent for a while. Normally these things don’t last quite as long as it has this time. Something to be aware of, I suppose.

Woo hoo! In less than a week I’ll be in Istanbul. Attractive men, an amazing city to explore, a world class modern art museum and a beautiful summer ahead of me! I feel like the luckiest man alive!