I had a really wonderful meal with my friend Chris this evening. I’m really going to miss our conversations. He’s such an interesting guy and so laid back. I’m really glad we’ve become friends and I’ve been able to see him every week or couple of weeks. This would have been a different experience without him here.

On the way home, I felt this happiness and joy. What I liked the most about the feeling was that I wasn’t afraid of it. There was no voice in the back (or front!) of my mind that was trying to figure out if I was going manic or needed to be concerned. I’m so grateful to have gained the gift of freedom from my mental illness. I no longer have to live in fear of another manic episode or try to analyze whether how I feel is how I’m supposed to feel. I can just let myself be. What a wonderful gift. One that I never thought I’d have, which makes it all the more special. I like the unexpected. I welcome the unexpected and continuing changes in my life. This past year I’ve changed, evolved and become a different person right before my eyes. I can’t help but acknowledge a sense of satisfaction, a sense of easiness, comfort and finally a sense of peace to in being just who I am: an imperfect, accepting-of-who-I-am person. I’m not sure I’ve ever really looked at myself and just accepted things as they are. It’s a truly blessed moment to be able to do it right now. I am me; flawed and imperfect, but still capable of loving and capable of being loved. Two things I’ve never allowed myself to be or do.

Changes changes everywhere. What’s in store?