My decision to spend the last 6 months living and working in China highlights one central theme that has woven it’s way through my past: I’m a poor decision maker. Not only do I find it difficult to make decisions, the ones I do are generally not very good ones.

I had some ups and downs today. At times I felt overwhelmed with the prospect of moving out of this apartment and leaving China, the security of a job and a paycheck, an apartment I’ve lived in for 6 months and the routine I’ve developed here. I also feel overwhelmed by the prospect of another new city where I have no friends, will need to find a place to live and all of those other things.

I then, of course, have moments of this glorious hope. Hope for the future and hope in my ability to be happy and live the life I want to live. I’m so excited to be done working for this shitty school and to get the fuck out of China. I’m also so excited to be back exploring a vibrant, beautiful city that I love. The moments I felt overwhelmed certainly outnumbered the ones I was filled with hope. I’m hoping that trend gets reversed more as the days towards my departure become closer. I’m trying to live in the now as much as possible, but I have to admit the future looks pretty amazing.