I spent a long time not living my life. Like, a really long time not living my life. Not only was I not living my life, but I was actively trying to make myself suffer.

I can’t do that anymore. I refuse to do that anymore. I’ve got this one life that I’m finally living and I can’t succumb to complacency or hiding in the safety of something that doesn’t provide me satisfaction. It’s tough. Really tough some days – days like today. Today I was racked with doubt and uncertainty. I know I’m making the right decision moving to Istanbul, but that doesn’t make the vulnerability and uncertainty I’m plunging myself into any easier. And, in all likelihood, it’s not going to get any easier. I know the status quo doesn’t work for me and I’m no longer going to try to make it work. I’ve got to take risks and face my fears. If I fall flat on my face so be it. At least I’ll finally be living. I’d prefer taking a risk and failing then playing it safe and remaining unhappy.

Deep in my heart I know I’ll be taken care of. As long as I follow my heart my emotional, spiritual and financial needs will be met. It’s hard to trust in that all the time, but I do believe it to be true.

I love art and museums. I enjoy drawing. I like both reading and writing. I have a passion for traveling. I am good at comedy and humor. I’m a great problem solver. I’m smart and articulate. I like to meditate and learn about spiritual practices. Certainly, something will come up. Be it a job, career or educational path I’ll decide to pursue. As long as I keep my eyes and ears open I have faith that I will find my way. I just have to lean into the uncertainty and face my fears. I can only pray for the courage, motivation and wherewithal to make it through these tough days to make a new life a reality.