We tried, and failed, to make the Great Wall happen today. Instead we wandered around the Forbidden City which was really fun. Tomorrow we are getting picked up in the morning to go to the Great Wall. I’m looking forward to it.

At dinner tonight I let it slip that I’ll be leaving China relatively soon. I’m glad that I’ve finally told my parents. I now have a pit in my stomach like maybe I’m making a terrible decision, but that should pass soon enough. I know this is the right thing for me to do. It’s still been a difficult decision, despite that knowledge.

I’m hoping to make it to a meeting tomorrow. It looks like the clubhouse in Beijing is not far from where I’m staying. I’ll have to take the subway, but it shouldn’t take too long to get there. The meeting is at 7 am which will give me enough time to make it back here before 9 am when we are getting picked up.

I’ve been living a pretty risk-free existence for a while. It’s time I start taking more risks. Starting with leaving China and trying for something different. I can’t just continue trying to stay safe and not taking risks – both with jobs and with dating. I want to love and I want to find meaningful work. I’ll never be satisfied taking the safe road and not at least trying for something more. Sure, I’ll maybe fail. I could also succeed. Or, taking this risk could lead me to something else that is a better fit for me.

I know teaching English in China isn’t something I want to do anymore. I don’t like living in China or teaching. It’s tough to leave the security of it all, but it’s the right thing to do. I know it’s the right thing to do and I’m happy that I made this decision.

There’s got to be something more. I’ve got to try and find it. I can’t just accept what is and live out the rest of my life complacently doing things I don’t like and not fully living. I refuse to play that game anymore.

Here’s to finding my dreams and a life well-lived!