9 minutes go!

I sent an email to S and told him I can’t commit to a teaching job in Shanghai. It was really hard to do, but I feel better now that I’ve closed that door. There’s something really amazing and great coming my way. I can feel it and I’m willing to throw a lot of uncertainty and vulnerability into my path in order to find it. I’m very excited.

I have to go to Istanbul. My gut instinct is telling me it’s where I must go. I still don’t know how I’ll support myself when I get there (or if I’ll even try), but I’m going. It’s been decided. I had joy and humor in Minneapolis and in NJ, but I’ve lost that since moving abroad. In Thailand and now China I’ve gotten a lot more serious about my situation and worked through many things that were looming in my past and following me around. I’m grateful I’ve been able to spend the time looking inward and making peace with those things. I feel like I’ve lost the funny, humorous side I used to have. I want to get that back. I’m going to get that back. I’ve found my serious, honest side, but now I’d like to meld the serious and the funny.

I’ve started asking for help. It’s a key component in realizing change. It’s not something that comes easily, but I’ve learned that when I ask for help it’s always given.