Today was really great.  It was relaxing, but I was also able to do some fun things.  

The highlight of today was definitely the swim in the ocean, although the afternoon nap was amazing too.  The water here is not very deep so you have to go out pretty far in order to be able to swim.  I walked out quite a ways and then there is a deeper section.  I took my goggles and saw some neat fish and other sea creatures.  I really enjoyed swimming around.  There was even this hot russian(?) guy I kept trying to not too obviously stare at.  He was swimming in compression shorts (or maybe just underwear) which certainly caught my attention.

After swimming for quite a while, I went and ate some of the best red curry soup I’ve ever had.  I will certainly be going back to that place before I leave the island.  It was so delicious.  I also really enjoyed being able to eat right next to the ocean.

After the soup I spent some time drinking tea, reading a book and watching the sunset.  It was very relaxing.  Tonight I also got a thai massage at this place next to the shore.  It was great and so peaceful to be able to sit and listen to the waves roll in while getting a massage.  I’ll probably be going back to that place, too.

I also booked my first scuba diving adventure tomorrow!  I can’t wait!

Gratitude List:

A very relaxing day

Being able to swim in the ocean

Reading a good book

I really liked today.  I greatly enjoyed the ferry ride out to the island.  There is so much beauty in this area.  I got all checked into the hotel just fine.  My room is nice.  It’s a good size, there are plenty of windows and there’s a nice balcony, too.  It’s definitely the nicest room I’ve had in Thailand to date.  

I spent some time today walking around the beach which is very pretty.  I also ate dinner at the restaurant for the hotel.  The food was good and I enjoyed being able to just sit and be near the ocean while eating.  There are so many activities on the island!  I can’t believe how many day trips you could plan.  I’m really hoping to go scuba diving.  I think I can take a course for the day for less than $100.  I’ve never been scuba diving and this area is known for it so I figure I probably should.  There are also hiking day trips, snorkeling day trips, there is a fishing trip in the evening to catch squid I can do.  I’d really had a nice, relaxing time planned, but it’s possible I’ll be spending a lot more time busy during the day than I’d imagined.  It’ll be fun to see what I come up with.  I would like to have at least a couple days of relaxing.  I’d really hoped to read some books, do some writing and draw something.  Anyway, it’s great to be here.  I’m really grateful to be out of Bkk and doing more what I had in mind when I cam here.

Gratitude List:

Beautiful beaches

Friendly people

Some much needed time to relax

I took the night train from Bankok to Surit Thani. I got off the train just a few minutes ago. I’m now waiting to catch a bus to the ferry terminal. From there it’s a 2.5 hour ferry ride to the island I’m going to be staying on for the next few days. The train was actually pretty comfortable. Once they converted the seat to the sleeping bed it was a pretty nice way to travel. I was a bit concerned I would miss where I was supposed to get off so I set an alarm for the time my ticket said the train was supposed to get to the station. I ended up waiting and getting off at a station, which wasn’t the correct one. Thankfully I asked a woman who told me it was the next station. I ran back to the train and had another 40 minutes to go before my station came. Apparently the train was running a little late. They also do have someone who comes around and wakes people when the station is coming. It’s nice that I’ll know that for next time.

I’m excited to make it to the island and spend a few days exploring and relaxing. I’m pretty sure I can rent a bike and bike all around the island. I’m really excited to do that. I haven’t biked in a long time and it’ll be a fun way to explore different parts of the island. Yay!

Gratitude List:
A few days to reconnect with nature and a hopefully slower pace than Bangkok
A comfortable experience on the train
Finding a place to plug in my phone

I’m leaving Bangkok in a few hours. I’m really excited to leave this city. It’s an interesting place and I’ve had fun here, but I want to explore and see what else is available in Thailand.

I’m taking a sleeper train tonight and then a ferry tomorrow morning to an island called Koh Phanang. It’s in the Gulf of Thailand and looks absolutely beautiful. From what I could tell it’s a pretty big party island (most of them seem to be), but I rented a room in a quieter area of the island. I really just want to spend a few days relaxing. Walking down the beach, reading books and I really want to draw a little. Maybe watch movies and listen to podcasts. I plan to explore the island a little. Bangkok is a big, busy city and I’ve felt very disconnected with nature since getting here. I’m really looking forward to reconnecting with it over the next few weeks. I’ll be on this island for 5 days and then after it’s up to Chiang Mai to do some meditation. I have heard such great things about Chiang Mai I’m really excited for that experience.

I checked out of the guesthouse a little while ago. I sat down to eat in the restaurant and opened the menu. One of the first pages is a short article a food guy from Minnesota wrote about the top 5 dining experiences of his life. It’s funny, being at an out of the way guesthouse in Bangkok and seeing something like that. It really is a small world. And for me, it’s only getting smaller, I’d say.

Gratitude List:
Being all packed and ready to leave Bangkok.
Being able to explore the beaches and mountains of Thailand
Developing as a spiritual being

I met a guy from the program at his apartment last night. He made dinner and we say around and talked for a couple hours. He’s really interesting and very nice. He offered to let me leave my big suitcase at his place so I don’t have to drag it around everywhere with me. He also said that I could stay with him for a while if I wanted since he has an extra room. It’s a really kind offer and one I plan to take him up on eventually.

I’m on my way to get my visa extended now. I’m hoping to make it through the extension process without too much trouble. If all goes really well I’ll have time to run to the train station afterwards as well. I’m hoping to take an overnight train south and make it to one of the islands on Saturday. I could stay for a few days, relax and read books. I called the Wat near Chiang Mai and scheduled showing up there for a meditation program on 8/7/13 (July 8th). It’s a 26 day stay, but it sounds like that will be reevaluated at the 10 day mark so it’s possible it’ll end up being shorter than that. I’m excited to check the place out and get some instruction on meditation. I’m a little concerned that my knees won’t like me sitting in the proper way one is supposed to sit when they meditate. I get the impression they might be a little strict on that, but we’ll see. I’m really grateful that things are starting to fall into place. I feel much less like I’m here all alone now and getting some of that wonder back I’ve been trying to cultivate the past week. It’s not that I lost my sense of adventure, but I definitely pulled back a bit.

Gratitude List:
Short-term future plans falling into place
Having great opportunities for personal growth on the horizon
Working to unlock a mystery

I had a good, and busy, day. I met with a plastic surgeon this morning. My views on that have really changed. I think I’ll be better off waiting to go through with anything. My plan at this point is to figure out going to the meditation retreat in Chiang Mai. I’ll meet with another surgeon tomorrow, but I’m not going to rush into this. I’m going to gather all the information on where I can have the procedure done and how much it’s going to cost and then I’ll think about it and decide. I really can’t afford it right now and I need to take a closer look at what it would do to my credit card bills. I figure I’ve lived with my body the way it is for my entire life. Waiting a little longer to make sure I find the best possible alternative isn’t going to kill me. As much as I’d like to be over and done with all of this, I can’t force it.

I also met with a guy from the program today which was pretty interesting. He was explaining to me all that he’s learned about dating in Thailand. I also learned a new term – “HiSo” which is short for “High Society.” He kept saying it. It was a bit off putting to be honest. I really don’t feel that anyone is better than anyone else. All human life is special and everyone should have the right to pursue their own happiness. Putting people into classes based on how much money they have doesn’t sit well with me. And really, my definition of success has changed tremendously the last couple of years. I don’t judge it based on the amount of money someone has. It’s a lot more about how someone chooses to live their life. For me, I won’t consider myself successful unless I’ve helped in some way. Preferably to further the evolution of the human race here on Earth. We all have to do our part to help. I’m ready to do mine.

After meeting with him I met a girl from my course. We watched a movie and talked afterwards. It was nice seeing her. I enjoyed the conversation very much.

Gratitude List:
Getting to see an old classmate
An easier pace and some time for reflection
Plans for leaving Bangkok coming into focus

When my life feels like it’s out of control I tend to focus on how unhappy I am with how I look. The past couple of years this has mainly manifested in my obsession with having a tummy tuck. I feel much better than I did this morning. I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore. I feel like I can handle life. I do still plan to look into this plastic surgery and see if it’s something I want to do, but it’s not something I need to do and it’s certainly not something I plan to do unless I feel pretty comfortable with the situation. I know I would benefit greatly in terms of self esteem if I go through with it, but I’m not desperate enough to take a huge gamble with it all. It feels like a weight has been lifted. I think it was partly just the post CELTA depression that was getting to be as well.

I had a really relaxing day today. I went to the Jim Thompson house which was really neat to see. I then had a 2 hour massage and was debating going to a meeting or watching a movie. Because of the rain I opted for staying dry and seeing a movie. I’ve seen nearly all of the movies playing in the theaters right now. I have no idea what I’m going to do when there are no movies I haven’t seen.

Gratitude List:
Getting the chance to talk with my mother and L on skype
Gaining a better perspective on my short-term plans
swimming

Well I’m getting a much later start to the day than I’d anticipated. I got up a little after 10 am, but have been online in my room and wasting time. I have this unsettled feeling in my stomach. Like things aren’t right and that perhaps they never will be. I wish I could get rid of it. There is so much uncertainty right now and I don’t have a specific plan of action at this point. I could really use some help.

I contacted a few plastic surgeons and set up appointments. I plan to see one tomorrow and then another on Wednesday. I’m going to book the guesthouse for 2 more days and plan to leave Bangkok on Friday. I will most likely get a flight up to Chiang Mai and stay there for a week or longer. After meeting with these other two plastic surgery places I will make my decision from there. Things are really not bad or anything, I’m just overwhelmed with being in Bangkok and not knowing what I want to do. I think about just giving up and going home, but it’s not what I really want to do. I’d like to find a job and teach for at least a year now that I’ve gotten this certification. And also work on writing. I need to start working on writing.

I feel like most of my problems right now hinge on making a decision about this plastic surgery. I really want to do it and the timing is good, but it’s still scary. I guess I can’t live with fear any longer. I mean yes, there are things that could go wrong with it, but this is something I feel I must do for myself and to live up to my full potential. The timing is also good to do it. Once I find a surgeon and set a date I can rent an apartment in Bangkok and plan to hang out for a month and recover. I’ve got the money right now to do that. I can spend the month reading books and taking it easy. I’m sure it’ll be really painful.

I’ve got to get out of this room and go out and do something. The day is wasting and I’d like to at least try to get my mind off of things. Really I’m in a good situation right now, it just doesn’t feel that way. Part of it is that I’ve also realized this not working and I’ll be able to live the life of my dreams idea has come to an end. The reality is, I’m going to have to get a job and maybe my life will never feel like it has purpose. I’m sure this will pass, I just have to give it time.

Gratitude List:
Having people I can reach out to
AA
Being able to try to keep a positive mindset

I keep failing to post an update at night. Maybe tonight will be the night I actually remember to.

Last night I went on a date with this guy from the Phillipines. He was cute and I had an alright time, but I just don’t think I can provide him with what he’s looking for.

Today I met an Australian guy for lunch. We’re actually at a thai massage place now getting a foot massage. I like foot massages. They’re relaxing. I was a afraid to get one for quite a while because I worried I’d end up kicking the nice masseuse because my feet are pretty ticklish. I also worried that I’d sit down to get one and end up having then refuse to touch my ugly feet. So far neither of those fears have come to pass. This is my second foot massage without incident.

Anyway, this guy I’m with now works for the UN and mentioned there might be a job opportunity. I’m hoping to find out more about that. I’d like to make a difference in the world so the UN would probably be a great place to work. I guess we’ll see if anything comes of that.

Gratitude List:
The prospect of a good opportunity
Thai foot massages
New friends

The last day of the course was yesterday. Everyone went out afterwards to the pub and drank. I went for a couple of hours. I’ve been mainly skipping the pub on the weekends with the other participants, but I figured since this was the last day of class and the last time I’ll probably see any of these people aside from 1 or 2 of them who are sticking around Bangkok I went. I hate sitting around a loud pub where it’s hard to have conversation while watching people drink. It’s simply not fun and it makes me uneasy. I have a hard enough time socializing in large groups without having all this alcohol around. It was also hard because it’s made me realize that everyone else seems to have a plan and is going off to teach somewhere and I don’t really know what I’m going to do. I don’t have a plan at all and I started to feel overwhelmed and like this whole thing was a terrible idea. Just terrible. I feel better about it today, though. I’ve rented a room in a guesthouse for the next 9 days which will give me some time to relax and decide what I want to do. I plan to try to get this plastic surgery to fall into place this week and ideally have to surgery soon. For some reason it seems like it’s been a bit difficult trying to get the surgery in order. I’ve submitted online forms at quite a few places and haven’t heard back from them. I plan to start calling them on Monday and get face to face appointments with at least one or two places and make my decision from there. I’d really like to find a doctor I feel comfortable with. I’m ready to do this and the time is right.

After the surgery I’ll take a couple weeks and recover. I’ll probably rent an apartment in Bangkok for a month so that I won’t have to rush out of here. I’d also really like to travel around Thailand and the surrounding areas. If I can’t get the surgery to pan out I’ll put it on hold and go traveling. I really don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be able to get the surgery to work.

Gratitude List:
Beginning a new phase of my Thailand adventure
No longer having to take that stupid shuttle
Having time to reflect and figure out next steps