Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I found an AA meeting at noon that wasn’t far from where I am staying. It was a little difficult to find the actual meeting spot, but now that I have going back to that meeting will be easy enough. The meeting itself didn’t have very many people at it and the general lack of many meetings around Bangkok is going to be a huge adjustment. I’m used to having many meetings close by to choose from. It’ll be ok, but an adjustment none the less.

After the meeting I wandered through a market and bought a couple things. I also went to a sit down restaurant and got some lunch. The food was pretty good, but eating in a sit down restaurant is way more expensive than eating street food. I ordered a whole bunch of food because I was pretty hungry. The whole meal came to less than $12 so really not bad, but considering street food is usually less than $2 it was much more expensive.

After lunch I came back to my hotel room. By that point it was around 3 pm and I felt like sitting in the air con for a while. I decided to take a nap which I should have known better than to do. I slept for a long time and got up around 3 am. I figure I’ll try to stay up all day now and go to bed at a more reasonable time tonight – like 10 or 11 pm. I have done a poor job of trying to get myself onto Thailand’s time. I’ve been sitting around my hotel now for the past few hours. Planning on making a couple phone calls home in a little while and doing some more touristy things today.

Gratitude List:
A good night’s sleep
Some relaxation time
Finally having some face wash

Yesterday was fun. I wandered around the city, took a couple boat rides down the river and checked out two temples. Wat Arun and wat pho (the reclining Buddha) were both very neat to see. I really enjoyed the boat rides, too! Floating down the river is a neat way to see the city.

I met a guy on grindr last night. He’s in Bkk for work and lives in New York. I went to his hotel and we hung out and talked for a while. I enjoyed talking to him and getting his perspective on Bkk. We ended up going out to eat and then went out to see a lady boy show afterwards. The lady boy show was great! It was at this club in the gay silom area of Bkk. All of the performers looked really good. We stuck around the club for quite a while after the show. I’m really not much of a club person, but it was good to check out and something I’d much rather do with someone else than by myself. We also danced for a while… Dancing is really just one of many things I’m not good at. All in all it was a fun night. After the club he invited me back up to his hotel room and said I could stay the night. I haven’t been intimate with anyone really since B and it’s something I’ve missed a lot. I crave a deeper connection with someone – to feel and to hold them. We did end up fooling around and I enjoyed it, but in that moment I hated B for running away from me and making himself emotionally unavailable. I really do want a deeper, more meaningful connection with someone. I hope I find that someday. I feel like I’m ready for it.

Gratitude List:
Being able to explore Bkk
Making it to a meeting
A filling meal

I made it to my hotel alright and got all checked in. By the time I got here it was around 3 pm. I should have just stayed up, but the second I laid down on the bed I couldn’t help but take a nap. About 8 hours later I got up…. Took a shower and walked down to the Silom area of Bangkok which is supposed to be a big nightlife spot. It’s very hot and humid here, even at midnight. I wandered around the area for a little while, but didn’t go in anywhere. I’m pretty much over the night life and partying scene. Even in NYC it was rare if I ever went out. I ate some street food and went to a 7-11 and bought a couple things for my room. The room itself is basically a cell… Small, lots of concrete and no window. It appears clean, though, so I probably could have done worse. I’ll get by without a window just fine. Plus, it’s only a week so really it won’t be that bad. I imagine the studio apartment I’m renting for the month long course will be nicer than this. I’m hoping to go to bed again, soon, and wake up relatively early. It’s now past 4 am here so my hope is to sleep for about 4-5 hours and then get up and be awake for most of the day. I’m glad to finally be here and that the long flights are all behind me now.

I should also mention, 5/20 marks 4 years sober. I’m hoping to find a meeting tomorrow to celebrate. I should make it to a meeting anyway, but it would be nice to find some in BKK that I can make it to with some regularity. It’s amazing to see how much I have changed, not to mention how much my life has changed since I stopped using drugs and alcohol. I’m tremendously grateful for that.

Gratitude List:
Sleeping in a bed
Taking a shower
4 years sober

So far so good with the flights. I landed in Bahrain not long ago and now have a 7 hour layover until my next flight. It really shouldn’t be too bad. Thankfully I slept most of the flight here and it’s only one more flight and I’ll be in Bangkok.

Gratitude list:
Getting some sleep on the last flight
Being 2/3 done with flying
Not having anyone seated next to me on either of the first 2 flights

I made it to the airport alright! I’m sitting down eating some Chinese food while waiting for my first flight to board. I have layovers in both London and Bahrain before making it to Bangkok. The three separate flights are all about 7 hours long. Definitely not super excited about the next 30 hours or so of my life, but before I know it I’ll be in Bangkok. I should really call my mom, but I’m putting that off. It feels like a goodbye, even though we basically had that in MN a few days ago before I flew back to NJ. I suppose I’ll do that in a minute.

I also keep seeing guys around and wishing I had one of my own to be intimidate with. Sadly I don’t. I guess il just hope one is headed my way soon. That would be really great!

Gratitude List:
All checked in and waiting to take off
The drive and ambition to realize my dreams
Great friends M and M and all they’ve done for me these last couple of months

I’m traveling very far from home tomorrow. In fact, I’m not really sure when I’ll see my friends or family again. I’m super excited for the adventure, but sad, too. I’m not second guessing this decision for even a second. It’s the right thing to do and I know it. My family and friends know it, too. It’s been a long time coming, but it’s certainly time I spread my wings and fly. I can’t wait to explore Bangkok and find out what the future has in store for me! There’s so much uncertainty, but I know things will work out for the best and I’ll learn a lot about myself, life and living. I’m no longer afraid and it’s wonderful.

I also sold my car today! I’m glad to be done with that mess.

Gratitude List:
Spreading my wings and flying
No longer being afraid of living life
The adventure of a lifetime

I just sold my car! I didn’t get as much as I could have if I’d sold it myself to someone, but the timeframe for leaving didn’t give me that option. It was definitely a pain in the ass! At least that’s over now. I’m waiting for the bus home now because the cab the guy at the car place called never showed up. New Jersey, or at least parts of it, are easily the most difficult place I’ve ever been for walking. I’d planned to spend an hour walking home, but that clearly isn’t going to work with the major lack of crosswalks and sidewalks. I can’t believe I live in a place where you can’t walk places! At least I’ll be leaving tomorrow.

I got quite a bit of cleaning done in my room last night. I’ll have to spend a fair amount of time to finish getting everything taken care of, but it shouldn’t really be that bad. It’s crazy to think this is my last night in NJ. I’m sure I’ll be back, eventually. I’ll miss M and M. They’ve both been really great to me while I’ve been out here.

It’s pretty remarkable how calm I’ve been able to stay through all of these last minute plans. A few years ago the amount of things I had to get settled within the timeframe I had would have severely stressed me out. I’ve gotten stressed out a little, but for the most part I’ve done a great job of just rolling with things and working towards getting it all done. Perhaps I’ve turned over a new leaf!

Gratitude List:
Finally selling my car
A bus ride home
M and M

OMG I can barely believe it – in just over 2 days I’ll be on my way to Bangkok! I have this ball of excitement, of this anticipation of such fun things to come in my stomach I can barely contain myself! I’ve got quite a bit of stuff to get done today. Hopefully it’ll all smoothly fall into place.

Gratitude List:
Creating reality based on my wildest dreams
Further personal growth and spiritual development
Feeling alive, hopeful and free!

I had a really great day! It was fun to hang out with L. We got lunch with some friends downtown and then got dinner in uptown. I got to see a whole bunch of people. I even made it into the downtown B and N to relive the magic of that place. I walked from downtown to uptown and it was just overall a very nice day and a great way to say goodbye to Mpls before I move much further away. It was strange being back now that I live so far away. I miss this place, but aside from all the wonderful friends here there’s not a lot else for me. I’m glad that I’m moving on. And who knows, perhaps someday I’ll even end up back here. I don’t expect that to be anytime soon, but we’ll see.

Gratitude list:
Seeing so many great friends in Mpls
Leisurely wandering around the city and saying goodbye
Delicious ice cream

My mom drove me back to Mpls last night. We stopped at a sporting goods store and I bought a backpack for the trip. We said goodbye and she left me at my cousin’s house. It was nice to chat and catch up with him and his girlfriend. He spent a few months traveling through SE Asia so he imparted some of the wisdom he learned from that trip. We also ate some delicious Thai food in uptown. It’s only been a few months since I was in uptown. It was nice to be back – even though I’m just a visitor now. After dinner my cousin dropped me off at L’s house. We chatted and caught up last night before heading to bed pretty early (well, a little before midnight that is). I was surprised/saddened/disappointed to wake up before 7 am. Today should be fun, though. Meeting friends for lunch, running some errands around Mpls and then getting dinner with some people tonight. Today is my only full day in Mpls. I’m really hoping to spend a little bit of time around the lakes – maybe even rent a bike and bike around a couple of them. It’s supposed to be beautiful out!

Gratitude List:
Adventure imminent
Being ready to love again
Checking more things off the list (I should have made) of things to do before leaving