I survived the first week of the CELTA course! Yay! A whole bunch of us students went out to a pub after class today and then went and ate Mexican food. It’s been a stressful week at times, but I’m grateful to have made it through the first week unscathed. I’ve got a lot of homework to do this weekend so I’m hoping to get a good jump on that tomorrow and then I’ll probably have to work most of the day Sunday as well. I’m planning on heading into the school in the afternoon and spending some time going over the assignments with other people in the course. I’ve got a lot of stuff do on Monday, but as long as I use my time this weekend in a smart, efficient manner I’ll be alright.

It’s been a pretty remarkable week. I’ve really been able to notice changes in me. This course could be extremely stressful, but instead I’m approaching it with such a different attitude than I would have 5 or 10 years ago. Instead of focusing on how much there is to do, how I feel lost or like I’ll never be able to get it all done, I haven’t let it overwhelm me. I know I’ll get it all done and if I can’t figure something out there are plenty of people I can ask for help. In the past I would have probably started shutting down by now due to the stress. Now I don’t even notice the stress very much. I do have moments where I feel overwhelmed and lost, but they’ve been fleeting. A girl in my group looked at me today and said “how is you’re so calm?” It’s really great to be able to recognize these changes in me and be having this experience.

Gratitude List:
Being able to get a good night’s sleep tonight!
25% done with the CELTA course
An opportunity to recognize significant personal growth

Another day is done! Now I only have 16 days of class left. I taught again today and it went much better than it did on Tuesday. I was also much more prepared which helped tremendously. I’d figured out specific questions to ask the students so I had much more of a script than I did on the first day I taught. It definitely helped me feel more confident with the whole situation. I still have plenty to work on – and plenty of room for improvement, but I’m making progress so that feels good.

I went to a meeting after class ended. I’m so glad I found that meeting last week because it happens to be close to the school and if I hadn’t I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have taken the time to find one. I liked being at a meeting even though I don’t feel like I’m very good at sharing. I guess it’s a skill I’ll get better at as I work at it. That does seem to be how those things work!

Gratitude List:
Hitting a meeting today
Tomorrow is Friday!
Less time spent commuting today

I wish I had more energy and time to devote to writing something. Unfortunately I don’t. I want to get to bed because I’m exhausted and I’m going to try to get up earlier tomorrow so that I can get to school early and finish up the lesson plan I had hoped to get done tonight. I need to find a few pictures to use and plan out another exercise. I’ll probably ask someone how they suggest I structure my final exercise. I plan to use that as a way to fill any extra time I may have after the exercise itself. I hope the teaching goes better tomorrow than it did on Tuesday. I think it will. I feel more prepared, but wish I had even more time to prepare. Sadly I don’t. It’ll go alright though and I’m certain I’ll at least show improvement from Tuesday so that will be good.

Gratitude List:
Crawling into bed is just moments away
17 days of the course left!
Delicious food for lunch and dinner

I taught my first class! I was kind of nervous beforehand, but tried really hard to keep it all in perspective. I’m learning something new right now that I’ve never done before. There will certainly be a learning curve and it’s not expected that my first time teaching would go flawlessly. The tutors we have make it look so easy! It ended up being pretty hard, but I got through it and identified many ways I can improve which is really the most important thing.

Gratitude List:
Completing my first day of teaching
Getting the first couple days of the course over
New friends

My certification course started today. Overall I like the fellow students in the class and the instructors all seem great. It does look like it’s going to be a lot of work, but after today there are only 19 more days left!

It’s been so long since I had to get up in the morning and be somewhere all day. I forgot how much I dislike that. I had a pretty bad headache by the time I made it home I absolutely had to take a break. I ended up sleeping for 3 hours which isn’t quite what I’d intended, but oh well. I’m going to try to quit procrastinating now and get this done so I can go to bed. I’m really looking forward to going to bed and I know if I stay up too long and get too tired to do this it’s going to be bad.

It took an hour to commute to the school this morning. I had no idea it was going to take that long and I’m not very happy it does. When I signed up to live here I thought it was closer to the school and the commute would be more like 15 minutes. 1 hour to get there and back is going to get old very quickly. Especially considering how intensive the course is. If I’m going to end up crunched for time the next month I’d rather not be spending 2 hours a day commuting to and from school.

Gratitude List:
Finally starting the course
The fun, nice students taking the course with me
A quick month

My course starts tomorrow. I hope it isn’t as hard as I’ve read it is. Or that if it is I’ll be ok since generally speaking I have less trouble learning things than other people. I’m nervous about having it start tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I had to get up in the morning for work or school. It’ll be an adjustment, but I’m ready for it. And really, in all likelihood it’ll be a lot of work, but I should be able to handle it.

Gratitude List:
Yummy Thai food
My new home for the next month
New friends

Another morning update. I seem to be making quite a few of these lately.

Yesterday I didn’t do a whole lot. Went out and found some food in the afternoon, but for the most part spent the day sitting around my hotel room surfing the internet. It was nice to just relax all day and be lazy.

I just checked into the apartment I’m renting for the next month. I wish I had found accommodations on my own. I didn’t realize how far away this place is. I was told it will only take me 30 minutes to get to the school, but that involves a shuttle ride and then hopping on to the skytrain. It doesn’t appear that there is too much around this area or anything very close I can walk to. I’m sort of having a wtf am I doing moment. Is this all for real? And not in a good way, but this is a big change and it would be unrealistic to think I would do something like this without having a wtf moment every now and then. I’m going to wander down to the 7-11 in the apartment complex and buy some water and see what there is for food I can get. Afterwards I’ll spend some time unpacking and hopefully making this place feel a bit more like home. On a positive note, at least there is a window. Despite the location, this apartment is definitely a step above the hotel room I stayed in for the past week.

Gratitude List:
Being able to settle into a place for a bit
Windows
Hopefully making some new friends when I start the course tomorrow

I just feel like I don’t fit anywhere right now. My time in Minneapolis is done. It’s a great place, but it’s not my home anymore and I’m not certain whether it will be again or not. I love it, but as far as a way to support myself it really can’t provide that right now. NJ was a great stopping point, but it never quite felt like home to me. It really always just felt like I was passing through there. Bkk is crazy, frenetic and there are Asians everywhere. Everywhere!

I’m just feeling really homesick today. I’m so glad that my course starts on Monday. It’ll give me something to focus my time on and there will certainly be other people in the class who are in this same boat. Probably nearly everyone else in the class. It’ll also be great to have an apartment where I can spread all of my stuff out knowing I’ll be there for the next month.

It sucks feeling like I don’t fit in or belong anywhere – that I don’t have a home. It’ll be ok though. I’ll get used to this and things won’t be so bad. Once I make some friends and have some kind of routine things should improve. And really, this feeling is only temporary. It’ll pass if I just give it some time. I’m hot and tired from walking around in the sweltering heat all day which is certainly not helping.

Gratitude List:
A guided tour of the old city
Air conditioned movie theaters
Learning how to use the sky train

I met with a plastic surgeon yesterday. It’s expensive, but I have the time to do it now and I can put it onto a credit card. It’s certainly not a financially prudent decision on my part, but this is something I feel like I have to do to be able to live up to my full potential. I’ve felt the need to do this for so long now. I’m going to think about it and also check out a few other places to see if I like a different surgeon more or if there is much price difference. It’s scary to think about having a major procedure done while I’m by myself in Thailand, but it just seems like the right time to finally do this. My hangups with my body have been holding me back for so long now and I haven’t been able to make progress on my body image through therapy. I also know I’ll never be able to change my body through diet or exercise. This is really the only way. Plus, it would work well to do it right after my course ends because I can take a couple weeks to recover from the surgery before finding a job. I have to do what I know is right in my heart. Everything else will fall into place as long as I stay true to that.

Gratitude List:
A path forward
Only a couple more days until I’ll be in a more permanent place
Being able to explore Bangkok

I’m so exhausted right now. I wandered around Bkk for so long today in the sweltering heat. I did enjoy it, though. I managed to get some vaccinations I should have done at home. I didn’t need an appointment or anything – just walked in and paid them probably about 1/100th what it would have cost to do them in the US. I also got a Thai massage (politely declined the “special massage” offer she gave me part way through!). Aside from that I ate a bunch of really delicious food and had a great day. I’d hoped to stay up until at least 10 pm, but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. I’m not too far off, though, so I’ll call it good.

Gratitude List:
Getting Vaccinated
Delicious Thai food
Making progress on getting over the time change