Late update for yesterday…

I made some poor decisions at the gym yesterday. I went with the intention of doing an hour on the eliptical machine. Close to the end of that hour I got the idea in my head I should go longer than that. I ended up adopting the idea that going the length of a marathon on the eliptical machine was a great idea. Once I got it into my head I couldn’t not do it. A total of 4 hours later and I’d gone 27.2 miles (which I realize is longer than a marathon). I can only set the machine for 60 minutes at a time so after each hour I’d get off, walk over to the drinking fountain and refill my water bottle and get back on. The first hour was pretty easy. The second hour wasn’t so hard. By the third hour I was starting to wonder if it was really a good idea and if I’d be able to make it. My legs were tired at that point. I spent basically the entire fourth hour repeating in my head “my body is light, joyous and free” while willing myself to go on. I’m not quite sure where that steely reserve comes from when I work out. I certainly wish I could access it when it came to figuring out how to support myself. I mean when I think about it, it’s truly remarkable that a week after going to the gym I was able to go 27.2 miles on the eliptical machine without any preparation or planning. I was so tired when I finally got home. I didn’t sleep well either… Because my body hates me. My knees held up pretty well so that was good. And I didn’t give up, so that was pretty great too. I’m proud that I was able to do it. Back when the eating disorder was much more entrenched I used to bike for 90 minutes a day as hard as I could, everyday. Even now I have no idea how I pulled it off considering I wasn’t eating or ever giving my body the fuel it needed. It really became a mind over matter and pushing through the uncomfortableness. I’m pretty sure I have a gift for that when it comes to physical exercise. I’m also certain if I’d thought ahead about doing this I could have made sure I was a bit more prepared with what I’d eaten for the day. I guess that’ll be something to strive for in the future.

Gratitude list:
Being thoroughly exhausted
Bryant park in NYC (where I am sitting now)
My knees being able to handle doing more