I had one of the most frightening experiences I’ve had in quite some time. This afternoon I went to an investment center because I’m rolling over my 401k from my last job. Once I got there I found myself looking around for a minute thinking “this might not be such a bad place to work – maybe I should look at their job openings.” I’m still trembling in fear from that experience. I cannot go back to another soulless corporate job.

But, at the same time, I need something more to do with my time. I’m ready to be doing more again and entertain the thought of getting a job again. I still think Thailand is my best bet. It’s also the opportunity that excites me the most. Tomorrow I’m going to set aside some time to really look over this application I have to do for the program to get certified. Basically everything at this point is hinging on getting into a class and setting some dates. Once I’ve done that I can start the process of doing all the other things I need to do before I leave – like selling my car, figuring out what I’m shipping back to MN and what I plan on leaving here in NJ at M and M’s. By the end of this week I’m going to have that application submitted. This weekend I’m going on a retreat that I think will prove to be pretty beneficial in connecting with my heart and soul and clearly seeing things again.

Although, in reality, I do see things pretty clearly. I know what it’s going to take to make me happy and fulfilled in this life and it’s certainly not a big house, nice car or the trappings a lot of other people strive for. I need novelty, purpose and the opportunity to help people. Those are things that will ultimately make me feel successful.

Gratitude List:
Good conversations with helpful people – M(a) and L
The ability to perform squats and deadlifts
Reading again – Mark Twain right now