Picked my mom up from the airport earlier tonight and then went to dinner at a thai place with her, M and M. It was a lot of fun. I’m happy to see my mom again. It’s been about 2 months and I’ve never gone this long without seeing her.

I feel like a beached whale. Seriously, this is not good. I certainly need to slim down. I haven’t actually gained any weight in taking this year off from the gym, but my body composition has certainly changed. It really hasn’t been until the last few days that I’ve felt like I’ve gained a bunch of weight. It’s quite uncomfortable. Hopefully I’ll feel better about it tomorrow. I’m not sure what has prompted this or if it’s just like how one day you feel different about yourself, but you have to get to a certain point before you notice. I hope it passes, but it’s also possible that this is the kick in the ass I need to really work to strengthen my knees and be able to start being more active. I do want to get back into the gym or start running. I remember how I felt when I was working out quite a bit and I want to feel that way again. Until I have plastic surgery and deal with the things about my body I can’t stand or change through diet or exercise I’m not sure I’ll be able to be truly happy with it, but at this point I just feel gross. I’m not even sure I’d be able to mess around with someone I like and feel comfortable around at this point like B. There’s no way I could meet someone new and form a relationship right now. I went out to fellowship after the meeting on Friday and there was this super cute guy there. He sat next to me at dinner and when he sat down gave me the appraisal where he just looked me up and down and I immediately felt like I came up short, although he gave no outward indication good or bad about what I looked like or what kind of shape I’m in. Immediately when it happened though I entered a world where despite how cute he was, I could never take my shirt off around him – it’s just not anything I’d be comfortable with after that. Or probably before that for that matter. My new goal is going to be getting more exercise. Once M and M move out to the new house I’ll be able to start riding M(a)’s bike around. I’d still rather not spend the money on a gym membership so that will be a good way to do it. I’m looking forward to it. Wow, long phone update.

Gratitude List:
Seeing my mother again
Being in a hotel – so much more civilized than squatting!
Exploring the city and doing new things the next couple days