I spent quite a bit of time with B today. I called him this morning thinking I would apologize for continuing to push him into a relationship with me and that it’s not really fair to him since he’s made it clear he’s not ready for that. I’d decided I’d rather have him in my life on a limited basis than just cut him out entirely. On an emotional level I’m not really getting out of this what I want, but I’d rather have him in my life at this point than not in my life. Then I saw him today and decided I’d just be done with it. When I dropped him off at his place I’d come to the conclusion I really didn’t need to see him again and that I should just cut my losses at this point.

I feel really sad right now. And I don’t think it’s necessarily the B situation that’s making me sad, but I’m projecting all of these feelings onto that situation regardless. I’m mostly just homesick for Minneapolis. It’s not that I actually want to be back in Minneapolis – I don’t, but my life has changed so significantly I feel like it’s all just catching up to me now. I plan to just give it a few days and hope that things turn around. I’m sure it will. As far as B goes I’ll just not make any decisions regarding that right now. My head isn’t in a great place to be making decisions at this point.

Gratitude List:
Seeing my mother soon
A good night’s rest
Getting money from the disability people tomorrow