I’m once again very sad about the B situation. I spoke with him last night before going to bed and made it clear I’d like to see him more and that once a week really isn’t going to cut it. We could have gotten together last night and didn’t. I didn’t push him to come over and spend the night or invite me over, but the fact remains we could have gotten together and we didn’t. I sent him a text message earlier this afternoon asking him what he was doing and still have not gotten a reply. As sad as it makes me, I really do need to reframe how I’m thinking about this situation. I’d love nothing more than to make some sort of commitment to him (as in be boyfriends), but the last time I brought that up he told me he wasn’t ready for anything like that. I understand and respect that he’s not, but for my own sake I need to step away from this situation. Not run away, but step away. I can enjoy being around him when it works to be around him, but I’ve been pushing this into relationship land which is what I want, and he’s squarely keeping it away from that. I don’t think I’ll have a problem being friends with him and seeing him when I see him, but going forward I can’t approach this the way I’ve been approaching it. I’ve been viewing this as a relationship and it’s become abundantly clear that’s not what this is. I don’t plan on running out and immediately finding someone else, but I’m at the point where I have to keep that as an option. If someone intriguing presents them self I will consider seeing where things with him could go. It’s still possible B and I will end up together, but at this point it looks like we’re meant to be friends. We’re just both at very different places and have very different needs. Unfortunately those don’t align. It’s not my fault or his, it’s just the way it is. As sad as this makes me, I’m still so grateful for the trip we took to Istanbul and that he is still in my life if only in a limited way. He’s a great guy and I’m better for having spent the time we spent together. I think he’d say the same.

Gratitude List:
The ability to open myself up to love
B
D for making my yummy almond bars