This morning was difficult. I was sad about the B situation. I haven’t seen him in nearly a week and I’m not sure when I’ll get to see him again. It’s really hard because I’d love to spend a lot more time with him. I was also thinking about how we are both coming at this from very different situations. I know that he likes me, but I’m viewing this much more as a relationship and he’s not. He’s maybe viewing it more as a friend he’ll see when he sees. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m not emotionally getting out of this what I’d like to be getting out of this. I know myself well enough to know that it won’t take me too long to start looking elsewhere for the intimacy I need. I like (love?) B, but if he’s not able to provide that intimacy I’ll need to address that. I certainly will be better off having a conversation about it with him before making my mind up about anything.

I had a really fun evening! D and I went into the city and wandered around Central Park for a while. Afterwards we went to the Whitney Museum. There was a really great exhibit on this artist I’d never heard of named Jay Defeo. I’m really glad I got to see her work.

I’m tired now and headed to bed. I had really hoped to see B tonight, but it looks like that’s maybe not going to happen, again. The thing with B that annoys me is that he always seems to be doing something else and seeing me never seems to be a priority. For me seeing him is a priority. I want to see him and I’d like to spend more time with him. He seems to be doing other stuff and running on his own time without regard to me. I guess I just wish I was more of a priority. I do really plan on discussing this with him. I know if I don’t I’ll just bottle it up and get to the point where I can’t take it anymore and I walk away from this situation without discussing it with him. Really, we are both at very different places with this all and it’s very possible he can’t provide what I feel I need right now. I figure keeping the lines of communication open will be much better than not.

Gratitude List:
Learning about a new, great artist
Getting to know D better
Sleeping in a bed again