I need to have a conversation with B. Or, rather, Sleeping Beauty as he will most likely be referred to going forward. I had hoped to see him today. Not only did that not happen, but I also haven’t really talked to him. In order for myself to remain sane and keep my heart open and available, I need him to be a little more responsive to me. I’m not so upset that we didn’t hang out, I’m upset we haven’t really communicated today. Yesterday we left it that we’d get together today. I can deal with this situation for what it is now, but it will insidiously destroy everything going forward if it’s not addressed. And it will be addressed. I won’t just bottle it up and keep it inside me. That’s never worked well in the past. It certainly won’t work well in the future.

I got my sketch written for class tomorrow. I think I like it. It’s definitely keying much of the class into a big piece of who I am, but it’s good. I’ve got nothing to hide and in order to be as authentic as possible I need to live without secrets.

I feel like a part of me is sticking my head in the sand and refusing to fully accept reality, while another part of me is running as quickly as possible towards the realization of that reality. I’m not sure when those two will collide for me, but my guess is it’ll be soon. I’m ready for it to happen. It needs to happen. Pain is really only a temporary indication of a current situation. Growing past and working through that pain will allow me to develop in the manner I’m meant to develop. Wish me luck…. I have a feeling this might suck, for a bit.

Gratitude List:
Finally finishing my assignment for tomorrow
The ability to cry
Reordering