M___!

Greetings from Istanbul! How is my favorite Aunt?!?!?

B met me today. I picked him up at the airport. Unfortunately, I’m proving to be a terrible tour guide. Thankfully he has low expectations.

After an unexpected 2 hour walking tour of Istanbul we found a room! Or rather, it found us. It’s perfect. It has a pink ceiling and a comfortable bed. B was really jet lagged from the flight so we’ve just been doing what we do. It’s great to hold him in my arms again. I can’t believe it’s been a week since I saw him. Or that I’ve only known him for a couple weeks now.

I love him. And I told him so today. I hadn’t expected to, but it just came out. I hope he’s able to accept my love. And that we can be together. Neither of those are things I am certain of at this point, but I told him today that I love him and that I will allow him to break my heart. He couldn’t promise not to, which I get. He’s got such a beautiful soul he’d never do anything to intentionally hurt me, but I can’t control what I have no control over and it’s possible the universe, or this world, has other plans. I guess time will tell. It’s such a beautiful thing to be vulnerable to someone else. Certainly tough, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. I’m extremely grateful to finally be having an authentic experience. And to be able to love so deeply again, of course.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that I don’t process this world or the things around me in the same way a lot of other people do. It’s not something bad, or anything to be afraid of. Rather, I need to embrace it as something that makes me different. Something that makes me special. Something to be celebrated. Something to love. It’s not something that needs to be medicated. I am a square peg that will never fit into a round hole. And I don’t want to. I don’t need to. And I won’t.

I bought Benjamin a single red rose at the airport. I can’t believe someone would fly all the way to Istanbul just to be with me! How wonderful. I’m so grateful to be having this experience with him, now. Finally.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t take the rose with us. As I was looking for a place to stay yesterday one of the hotel people made it abundantly clear we would not be rented a room with a single bed. I was reluctant to walk into hotels with him carrying the rose I had given him while asking for rooms to rent. So we left it, on a seat, at the airport. It makes me mad as hell. So fucking mad. But, I suppose, this is still the world in which I live. And really, my lily-livered self hasn’t done much to change that up until now. I used to wish I’d had to overcome some type of adversity growing up. You know, to make me a stronger person. I mean really, most everything I ever needed was basically provided to me. It’s not until recently that I’ve realized the adversity I have overcome and the strength that’s given me. I plan to utilize that going forward. And hopefully, to change the world. I guess we’ll see about that part.

Do you think it’s possible for two broken people to rehabilitate each other together? I certainly hope it is.

I hope this email finds you well! Catch me up on what’s going on. I’ve attached a couple pictures for you! Tell E____ and A____ hi for me!

Love,

Andrew