I feel very unsettled right now. I’m upset and not terribly happy about it.

Earlier I saw a show at UCB and sat in the audience thinking about how I’m doing exactly what I should be right now. It was great! I haven’t felt that content in a while.

I’m considering taking off for a few days. I need to escape this current situation. I’m partly homesick – I keep thinking of Minneapolis, my friends there, the things I liked to do there and how I now live forever far away. I’m definitely glad I made this move, but it’s still sad.

What I really want to run away from are the feelings I have inside me. Feelings I have no control over. Feelings that are so dependent on the actions of another person and the uncertainty of the future. I don’t like this anymore. It’s icky and I don’t want to feel this way. I’m going to bed soon and will hopefully wake up in the morning with a different perspective. I have some phone calls and other various things I need to get done tomorrow. It should be pretty relaxing. I feel emotionally drained right now which is one of the main reasons dating has never worked in the past. This isn’t fun. Feeling this way isn’t sustainable for any period of time. I just can’t handle it.

Gratitude List:
A good night’s rest and a new day.
Travel.
Reaching out to Mpls friends.