I usually write an update every night before I go to bed. Lately I’ve felt like my updates have been lacking – like I don’t really have much to say and what I do have to say isn’t very interesting or important. When I went to bed last night I decided I’d wait and update something in the morning (now afternoon) to see if switching things up couldn’t help things a bit.

I’ve finally figured things out for the immediate future. On Friday I’m leaving Minneapolis. I’m going to drive to Chicago and stay with a friend there for a couple days and then drive out to DC to stay with my cousin. I’ll probably stay with my cousin for about a week and then I’ll drive to NJ once my friends have closed on their house. I’m looking forward to a much needed change. With any luck new opportunities will spring up that I’ll be able to work into some kind of long term arrangement to financially support myself. I will never go back to a cubicle, but I can’t live on my credit cards forever. Hopefully I’ll be getting unemployment money soon. That will at least take some of the pressure off. This not having any money coming in is stressful. Super stressful.

Gratitude List:
People willing to let me stay with them.
New beginnings and opportunities.
The ability to continue learning.

I’m grateful to be sober for many reasons. One thing I used to hate when I would drink is that I’d black out and not know what happened. I would wake up in the morning with only a vague recollection of the previous night’s adventures and have to piece together what happened through conversations with friends. I’d always try to not let on to the fact I couldn’t remember anything if possible, but my friends always knew. I’d call one of them I’d been with the night before to figure out who I needed to apologize to, who I needed to avoid for a while and who I should just try to avoid seeing ever again. It wasn’t much fun. Since becoming sober I don’t have to do that anymore which is great because I absolutely hated not remembering what had happened or what I’d done. I keep thinking about yesterday and an experience I had that was similar to when I was drinking. I think I had a conversation with my doctor while I was pretty fucked up from the anesthesia and I have no idea what I said or did. I’m not worried that I acted strange or did anything totally out of character, but it’s unsettling to think that I had a conversation with her that I completely don’t remember anything about. I wouldn’t have even suspected I’d had a conversation with her, but one of the nurses mentioned something and in the instructions for when I left the hospital in huge font it said the elliptical machine is ok to use, but that I can’t run.

Gratitude List:
My parents
Pistachios
Not having to go outside in the cold for the next few days

All I’ve eaten today has been pistachios, carrots and mint chip ice cream. It’s been pretty wonderful! And, despite a lack of variety, I’ve eaten plenty of calories.

The surgery went well! I no longer have any metal in my body. Yay! My knees hurt quite a bit right now even after the Vicodin I’ve been taking. I was really hoping to avoid having to take any of it after leaving the hospital, but that was apparently not meant to be. Blergh. I’m a recovering alcoholic and this is now the 3rd time this year I’ve been forced to take narcotics. Thankfully I shouldn’t have to take them very long this time compared to the last two surgeries.

I feel like a weight has been lifted now that these screws are out and I can officially move on with my life. I talked to my cousin who lives in the DC area earlier tonight and made plans to drive out there next week. I’ll stay with him for a few days before driving back to NJ. I’m really excited! I’ve never been to that area so it’ll be a lot of fun. My cousin and his fiance are both super cool and I always enjoy seeing my aunt. It’ll be a great way to spend the extra time I have now that I don’t have a place to stay in NJ until February 1st.

I’m so grateful that my life is finally moving forward. For so long it felt like I was just spinning my wheels with no real direction while working a job I hated. It’s pretty remarkable how quickly things can change. I’m going to fill the next few months with so many fun things and people. I can’t wait to see what I discover!

Gratitude List:
My curiosity towards myself and the world around me.
Liz
New adventures

Forgot to update before heading to bed last night. On my way to the hospital now. Hopefully having all the screws taken out of my knees this morning. I’m so excited to be able to start working out again and not having this shitty pain in my right knee.

Gratitude list:
Metal free body
My friend Liz to drive me to the hospital
Putting my knee issues behind me

Stupid world. I’m done with MN and the New Jersey plan is scrapped going forward. I’ll be leaving for Thailand as soon as possible. There’s quite a bit to get settled before I can go – like selling my car, finding my passport, etc, but I just don’t feel like I can sit around here waiting to see if the Norway deal works out. Initially I wanted to have the Thailand adventure before it got so convoluted with everything else. At this point I’m thinking I’d be better off skipping New Jersey, forgoing Norway and leaving for Thailand ASAP. It doesn’t feel like the greatest of decisions on my part, but I’m going insane here and have to do something. I’ve been waiting so long for these knees to get dealt with and my doctor agreed today to take the screws out on Friday. I’d wanted to leave for New Jersey ASAP, but don’t have a place to stay there until February 1st now. I’m not 100% certain, but I think scrapping that whole plan would be best at this point. Plus that living situation wasn’t ideal anyway. I don’t really want to live in a house that’s being renovated by myself. Especially since it’s further from the train station. I guess we’ll see. I realize I’m a bit more upset about this whole matter because I didn’t get enough sleep last night and drank some caffeine earlier. That always fucks with my head. Oh well. It’ll all workout somehow. I’m going to sleep on it now and see if my head is any clearer in the morning.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. The last time I saw her was nearly 6 weeks ago. Not a lot has changed since then in regards to my knee. I can’t do much of anything aside from walking. I generally don’t have much pain from walking unless I’ve aggravated it, but stairs are definitely something I try to avoid. I’m hoping more than anything that when I see her tomorrow I can persuade her to take the screws out of my knees on Friday. If she will I can leave for NJ sometime next week. I’m so excited to spend more time exploring NYC and having a new and different experience for a while. It’s even more exciting since I was just there for a couple weeks and met some really cool people I plan on hanging out with once I’m finally back.

It’s late now. I stopped in St. Cloud on the way to my parents’ house earlier tonight. I went to my older brother’s house and hung out with him for a bit. It was really nice. My older brother and I were constantly fighting growing up. Now that we are adults we get along much better and have a mutual respect for each other we never had, but I wouldn’t say we are close. We sat around his house for a little while and talked and then decided to meet a friend of mine at a restaurant to get some dinner. We went to this all you can eat place and the waitress taunted me when I was done eating. I ate 3 full bowls of food and she said the most she’d ever seen someone eat was 4. I’m pretty sure I could have taught her a lesson and jammed down 2 more bowls of food right then and there, but I knew it was a bad idea so I didn’t. After dinner we went to a place in St. Cloud I had never been to and played pool for quite a while. My brother joined us for that, too, as did a couple other people. I don’t remember the last time I just hung out with my brother for any length of time and I’m not sure we’ve ever hung out and actually talked before. Hopefully we can start doing it more in the future. We’ve both had our struggles and could learn a lot from each other – not to mention help each other out. SPICY TUNA met us for dinner and pool. She’s one of my most favorite people in the world. Probably because I’m basically a little Asian girl at heart.

My knees hurt. I’m sick of them hurting. I’m certain the left one isn’t going to get better until I have the screws removed. I’m determined to do that on Friday. My orthopedic surgeon is not aware of this… yet.

Back in MN. Brrrrrr.

I had my chakras balanced today. I think that’s what happened anyway. I’ll have to see if I feel any changes over the next few days.

Hopefully back out to NJ soon. Very, very soon.

Today was great! I got up and had a very relaxing morning and got all packed up for my trip home. I then went into the city and went to an art museum. The museum was awesome. They have so much great stuff there and they had a Charles Burchfield painting I love on display. I’m so grateful I got to see that! I sat on the bench positioned near it and just took it in for a while.

After the museum I met some friends in the village and we went out. I’m super bummed this is my last night in NYC again, but hopefully I’ll be able to come back in just a couple weeks after having had all the screws removed from my knees. I love this place and want to call it my home. I’m certain there are a ridiculous amount of fun things I’ll be able to do, find and experience. I’ve only been here for two weeks and I’ve already made so many fun friends in the city. I can’t wait to get back here so I can get to know them better!