I started a reiki class today. It’s 3 evenings in a row and it’s designed to teach me how to practice reiki on myself. I really enjoyed being in the class. It’s held at the instructor’s home on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I like how she’s decorated the interior and she has all sorts of huge stones around. There were 11 of us in the class and everyone seemed interesting in their own way. I almost wish I could get to know them all individually on a one on one basis.

I was pondering things a little bit in class. I have been meditation for about 6 months now and that’s going well. I feel calmer and more in control of things. I’m hoping this reiki will give me a better connection to my body. The meditation is all very focused in my mind right now, but I’d like to work on bridging the gap between my mind and body.

Ok, I guess it’s story time.

When I went through my first and second manic episodes at 20 and 21 one of the things I remember about being manic was how my mind and body were connected. It almost felt like the two were one. The connection was nearly flawless and there were a number of things that attested to that fact. As I was driving to the Twin Cities one day that summer I stopped in at a random gas station. At the gas station they had one of those dunk tanks set up to raise money for charity. The guy in the dunk tank was cute (and shirtless) which immediately got my attention. I bought a couple balls to throw. Now I’ve never been very athletic, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t knock him into the water with 2 out of the first 3 balls I threw. I then got a few more balls and moved further back. Again and again I hit the target and he fell into the tank. I kept getting more balls and moving further and further back. It was uncanny the way I was able to look at the target and hit it with such accuracy. I’ve never been good at throwing balls of any kind, but my mind and my body worked together so well I was able to make it happen. I also grew up with a pool table in my basement. I’m ok at playing pool, but only because I grew up getting my ass kicked by my brothers who were always much better than me. When I was manic I could play pool way better than normal. I remember going to the bar and making shot after shot. I didn’t even really need to line them up very well. I would just look at the shot for a second and know where I had to hit the ball to make it go in – and then I would. It was creepy. It was also during that time that I realized I could take out my contacts (I’m pretty blind) and continue to shoot pool. Once I took them off everything turned into this fuzzy haze, but somehow I was still able to line the shots up and make them. I’m certain I would never be able to do that now.

The other aspect to the mind-body connection I remember was trying to figure out how the two worked together. I could tell that my body and mind were processing things differently than they had been only a couple months before, but I could never pin down what the exact changes were. I couldn’t tell if my mind was sped up and my body slowed down, or vice versa. Or perhaps my mind was slowed down so much it felt like it was really sped up. Or maybe my body had sped up so much my mind just felt like it had slowed down. Regardless, I could never come to a conclusion on it, but spent quite a bit of time trying to figure it out.

I’m hoping if I combine reiki with my meditation that I’ll be able to achieve a parity between my mind and my body. I’m sure it won’t feel the same way it did while I was manic because everything was concerted then, but it was also all on overdrive. I’m just hoping to get closer to that connection again where the two are working together. I don’t feel like they are working apart at this point, but I do still feel like they are disjointed. Wow, I’m glad I was able to bang this post out very quickly. Now I can lay down in bed and practice my reiki as I fall asleep.

Gratitude List:
Looking forward to dates with cute guys.
Learning new tools to help me become a better, more centered person.
Meeting new, interesting people.