I went to two meetings tonight. I took the Path train to the World Trade Center and as soon as I got off the train consulted the app on my phone that tells me where nearby meetings are. As luck would have it, there was a meeting really close to where I was that started in just a few minutes. I walked in and immediately thought “Hmm, hopefully I can make it through this entire meeting.” Talk about some immediate judgment. So it turned out to be a speaker meeting and I really enjoyed listening to Bob share his story. It was also great to be at a meeting again. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I was at a meeting. I think just a little over a week. The first meeting I went to was at 5:30 pm so when it ended at 6:30 I didn’t have anything planned for the rest of the night. I decided to check and see what other meetings might be going on. I found one that started in the West Village at 7:15 pm. Perfect, since my GPS told me it would take about 40 minutes to walk there. I assume the GPS calculates walking time based on little people legs. My super long, fast walking giant legs got me to the meeting much faster. This also happened to be a speaker meeting, but it was entirely different. The first meeting had 9 people there, including myself. This meeting probably had at least 50. It was also filled with a lot of the pretty gays. All the ones who have less than 3% body fat. I used to go to meetings like that in Mpls, but often times prefer to stay away from that crowd.

Ok, so I have a problem with the pretty gay crowd. I’ve always felt rejected by them. As a result, I’ve always done my best to reject them before they get the chance to do it to me. Honestly, this isn’t serving me well anymore. It’s totally fucked up my dating life. Actually, it hasn’t fucked up my dating life as much as make it completely non existent. And really, when I think about it, I was not even close to being rejected by those people. From a completely logical standpoint, although I wasn’t the best looking guy in the room, as far as physical attractiveness goes I can hold my own with those boys. Aside from the hard body I’m not sporting , they really don’t have anything on me. I’m also quite certain as soon as I open my mouth and start talking they’ll most likely laugh at whatever I say and like me. Not only that, but a few of the pretty ones were actually quite friendly. As I was walking in and trying to figure out where I was going, one asked me if I was looking for the meeting. We chatted for a minute. He didn’t try to light me on fire or anything, so that was good at least. And they (surprisingly?) didn’t have a machine to calculate body fat percentage outside the door to deny entrance to the non gym rats.

I guess the moral of this story, as I see it, is to stop trying to change my physical appearance to feel like I fit in with the pretty gay crowd and start changing my perception of them. Some of the pretty gays have good hearts. I’ll have to be careful, but really they aren’t out to get me. I’m out to get me. And I do. Goal for the next 10 days: Give the pretty gays a chance. Quit writing them off as vile. Grow up and be an adult about this situation. You’ve been allowing this to hold you back for too long. Be done with it.

Gratitude List:
Being able to go to a meeting.
Being able to walk.
Pretty gays.