Phone update… Too many wonderful things to list about today. The highlight was coming up with the title of my book. It’s going to be:
Superhumans: A Call To Action
I am thinking I’ll maybe publish it without my name or any name for that matter attached. I don’t think I want that noise. I feel like I’m getting pulled in a million different directions now.

Gratitude List:
Second Chances
Talking and listening with my favorite aunt
The Museum of Natural History
Jay, my sponsor

Today was both good and bad. Tomorrow I’ll have to remember to bring my stones. And to do some meditation. I haven’t in the last couple days and it’s definitely something I should do.

I met a guy today. He was nice and clearly doing the best he could, but he was also in a lot of pain. We hung out for a long time today and he showed me around the city. Afterwards, I felt exceptionally drained. I walked to a meeting that I found on an app and it turned out to be a really great meeting. Everyone there was so kind and warm. I also got there early and got to chat with the extremely handsome, kind man who happened to be the trusted servant. I would have been more than happy to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean if the circumstances were to fall into place. I could tell he had a lot of qualities that would resonate well with me, but there was also something more that would keep me interested for the long term. I should have asked him out. I really should have done that. The problem is I’m not going to be in this area for more than a few more days. I’ll be back, but that’s all unclear right now. I’m not going to be single forever. It will fall into place. Hopefully soon. I want nothing more than to fall madly, deeply in love. My soul mate will be showing up soon.

Arlington VA is a fantastic place! It’s so pretty and new. Such affluence and major things happening here. Now this is really a city!

I’m so grateful I had a wonderful evening seeing my favorite aunt. We ate a delicious meal and had a wonderful conversation. Afterwards, my cousin invited me to meet a friend of his. It’s really great to be around people who casually converse about problems and solutions to things, but that do it at a different level than most people do, or care to do. I really liked the guy we met tonight. He was a good person. I hope I haven’t seen the last of him.

Something happened last night. I’m not sure what exactly it was. I was in that in between state where I was falling asleep, but not quite asleep yet. I saw a squirrel, or at least I think it was a squirrel. It was hopping around like a bunny and then there was a bunny following it around, but not hopping around like a bunny. I thought it was the most ridiculously funny thing I’ve ever seen and started this deep, deep laughing down to my core. The thing is, the laughter actually happened. And afterwards, I felt cleansed. Like my soul had been fixed. Everything had been fixed. Daizee, my mother’s cat, then showed up. I was kind of worried she was going to kill both the bunny and the squirrel because that’s what she does, but she was just there observing.

The laughter brought me out of the semi awake/ falling asleep state and into a fully awake ‘what is going on’ state. I then saw, in my mind’s eye, a structure. It was like pyramid bases, stretched out but all around and connected at the top. That makes no sense, but I simply can’t describe the structure I saw. The structure then shifted and changed; something clicked into place in a different way. I then saw several different images after each other. They were all faces/eyes on faces. The final ones being those of dolls.

Gratitude List:
Date tomorrow
Growth on many different levels and of many different things
Meeting new people

Yeah, she was a little reluctant to wean me off the final one, but I’m really glad she acquiesced. Do they teach you in psychiatry programs that you’ll encounter people who have been given a diagnosis that isn’t correct, but circumstances – partially just taking medication to begin with, has kept them sick? This is maybe an over share, but I was at hazelden about 4 years ago and when I got there my current psychiatrist had me on 6 medications: 3 mood stabilizers, an antidepressant and 2 benzos. I heard someone lecture while there who talked about how people show up with all these different diagnoses that aren’t necessarily correct. That planted a seed in my mind…. And it took me several years, but I did it. I’m actually happy and healthy now versus how sick I was before. I had to do a tremendous amount of work to get to this point. 2/15/2013 will mark one year since I last took any medication for mental illness. It’s a pretty remarkable thing.

The plan has changed since my last email…. Headed out East yesterday. In Chicago seeing a friend now. Will drive to DC tomorrow or Monday and then landing in Newark for a few months while I see how things settle. Already made a ton of friends in the NYC area while there for a couple weeks after Christmas. Had all the screws taken out of my knees about a week ago – just got done working out a minute ago actually. 4 months away from the gym has not been kind to me, but I’ll get back into it easily enough. Starting a writing class at Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC on 2/4 and hoping to travel to Norway in a few months as part of a reality tv show I’m planning on getting cast in. Oh, and I am going to write a book. Honestly Greg, I’m really glad I don’t have a job anymore. Who has the time to work? Ugh. I don’t plan on doing that again. How are things for you? What’s new?

Put succinctly, life really has changed tremendously in the past few months.

Driving to Arlington VA tomorrow morning. I had considered staying in Chicago tomorrow and driving on Monday, but there is some freezing rain headed this way and I’d rather be ahead of the storm. I can’t wait to hang out with family and explore the DC area for a few days. It’s going to be awesome!

Gratitude List:
C
Pretty men
Doing stuff with pretty men

I am beyond exhausted right now. I worked out for pretty much the first time since October. I will admit, I pushed things a little farther than I probably should have, but it was amazing! And now I’m icing my knee…..

Now that I got the first day back at the gym behind me, I’m going to have to take it easier for a bit. I don’t want to break/brake myself right away again. I’ve got to accept the limitations with my knees – for now.

I had a great dinner tonight with C. It’s masterful the way she brings things into her life through the power of her positive thoughts. I set some major goals for myself tonight and brought Carmen into it with me. I’ll lay them out for you now:

I am going to change the world. I am going to make a ridiculous amount of money over the next 10 years and spend the rest of my life giving it away. I will have nothing on the day I die. C is going to help me give it a way. I will never work again and if it ever feels like what I am doing for money is work, I will immediately give it up. I am going to have more fun than anyone can imagine. I will be free.

I plan on giving the money away in a way that will make the most good and be able to ripple through society in the most effective manner possible. I plan on reinventing philanthropy.

I found out this evening that my twin brother got a job. I’m really excited for him. I think it will be good that he has a schedule and routine again. It can be so difficult when you don’t have one.

My older brother is also doing really well. I texted him yesterday asking him if he was going to make it to my going away party and he called me back to tell me he wasn’t going to make it and wish me good luck. I’ve never been close with my older brother. A month ago if you would have told me he would respond to a text of mine I probably wouldn’t believe you, so to have him call me back and actually have a conversation with him is a pretty monumental deal. All in all I feel like things in MN with my family are on the right track and that I can leave here, tomorrow, with the knowledge that everyone is moving forward and making progress in their lives. That makes me really happy.

I’m off to bed. Getting up in the morning to begin this awesome road trip. A few days in Chicago with one of the most positive, wonderful people I know will be a great first leg of the trip!

Bon voyage, Mpls.

Busy day. I drove back to Minneapolis in the morning and took care of some errands I needed to complete before I leave. Tomorrow I have a few more I’ve got to get done and Friday morning I’ll be gone.

I got a group of my friends together tonight for a going away party for myself. I guess it could have been considered a good riddance party, too, depending on who you talk to. It was so much fun. I’m so grateful to have so many fun, good friends in Minneapolis. What a great way to end my time here – eating a good meal, laughing and reminiscing. There was such a warmth around the table. I’m going to miss them all, but it’s time I move on to the next chapter of my life. I’m sure I’ll keep in touch and it’s not like I won’t ever make it back to Minneapolis.

It’s pretty remarkable how this is all happening. While I had a job I would day dream about moving to NYC or Chicago, but finding a job and moving was such a daunting task. Now that I don’t have a job or any money everything fell into place perfectly to make this move. Soon I’ll be gone. It really hit home this morning when I left my parents’ house and was driving back to Minneapolis. I don’t know the next time I’ll be at their house. I’ll probably make it back within the next couple months, but it could very well be longer than that. I’m undoubtedly ready for a change and a new adventure. It will be great for me.

Tomorrow morning I am getting up, packing all of my stuff into my car and driving back to Minneapolis. I’ll be spending a couple days in Minneapolis and then heading off. It’s sad, in a way, but I’m really ready for this. My mom told me several times today that it makes her really sad that I’m leaving and she doesn’t know when she’ll get to see me again. I understand that it’s hard for her. It’s been nice that I’ve been in the Twin Cities the past few years so she can visit me easily and frequently. I’ve liked being at my parents’ house the past few days. I like the comfort and safety I feel while I’m here, but it’s time for me to move on with my life. I can’t stay here forever and don’t want to stay here forever. I’ve got to find something that engages me and that I can devote the rest of my life to. Well devoting the rest of my life makes it sound so epic. I really just need to find something I can do for a while that makes me happy. I could be wrong, but I can see myself doing many different things over the course of my life. Like I’ll find something I really like and then do it for a while before moving on to something else.

My knees still hurt from surgery, but each day they seem to be getting better. Hopefully by the time I make it to New Jersey I’ll be able to start going to the gym again and at least getting back into shape a little bit. It’s been nearly 4 months since I’ve been able to work out and even then I had to take several months off for the first knee surgery. It’s really taken a toll on me both physically and psychologically. I feel huge… like beluga whale huge. I know that it’s mostly in my head. I have gained weight, but nothing drastic. Actually, I’ve pretty much stayed about the same weight I was before any of the surgeries, but my body composition has changed a lot. In all likelihood I’m never going to like my body or how I look. It’s just a given, but I know that when I work out and at least feel athletic I’ve got more confidence and despite still seeing flaws before things I like when I look in the mirror, I’m a lot more positive than I am right now. I’ve been texting with this guy out in NJ. I’ve been out there 3 times this year and each time he sent me a message on scruff. He’s pretty worked out and it seems nearly any pic he sends me is without a shirt. The first two times he messaged me I didn’t give him the time of day because when someone sends me a barrage of shirtless pics I automatically assume I’m not what they are looking for. I’m not bad looking or anything, but I’ll never be an underwear model. Because I was heavier growing up and lost weight in the least healthy way possible my body is never going to look the way I want it to look – or the way I assume guys who send a million shirtless pics want their boyfriend’s body to look. If this was a year ago when I was doing Crossfit a lot and the disliking of how I looked was much lower than it is now I’d probably be ok with meeting him and just seeing how things go. Now I’m not totally sure about it. I still plan on meeting him, but I’m going to be very reluctant to do anything that would involve taking my shirt off. I mean I’d like to do that stuff, but really I just don’t think I can at this point. Maybe if I start going to the gym for a couple weeks and am able to at least feel better about how I look that would change things. I guess we’ll see. At this point I really don’t like how things look when I take my shirt off. Blergh.

Anyway, yay for moving on. I meant to start packing much earlier tonight, but ended up going through old stuff my mom had saved. Most of it was from high school. I tried to pinpoint when it all went wrong, but wasn’t able to. Things I found that I really liked: A note from my 5th grade art teacher to my parents saying I was very creative and had a lot of potential, a journal my 5th grade teacher made all of her students keep and test results from a standardized test I had to take in 10th grade. It was one of the Iowa ones. I always did really well on tests so it was interesting to see all of my scores. Nearly all of them were in the upper 90th percentile for all test takers and the composite score was in the 99th percentile. I was always pretty good at everything, but not great at anything. Or maybe I was great at nearly everything, but not exceptional at anything. Actually, that’s probably more the case. I want to be exceptional. I bet there is one thing I can work towards becoming exceptional at doing. Hopefully it’ll be expressing myself. Maybe through writing, art or some other means. Yep, I’d most like to be exceptional at expressing myself. Somehow.

I did find one other interesting thing while looking through everything in my bedroom. Up on the top shelf in my closet hidden behind a box was an empty bottle of bacardi. I’m sure it’s been there for over 4 years from when I briefly lived here when I was 26. Glad that’s no longer something I have to deal with. My mom came in and saw it and starting asking me about it. I had to explain to her that I’d hidden it and clearly forgotten about it a long time ago and that yes, it was empty when I found it. If it hadn’t been empty I would have never forgotten about it.

Gratitude List:
Sobriety
New Friends
One chapter of life ending and another beginning.

A few weeks ago I got the idea of starting a blog with a friend of mine. I was reading this popular one started by a friend of a friend. He writes and illustrates. As I was reading it I couldn’t help but think I could do something similar, except that I can’t draw for shit. A friend of mine is good at drawing so I’m going to see if he wants to work on it together. I could come up with the writing (with his input) and he could do all the illustrations. I’m going to talk to him about this more before I leave Mpls. He’s definitely the funniest person I know and I’d love to collaborate on something with him. If we had each other to keep each other motivated and accountable it could work out really well. Plus he’s great for bouncing ideas off of because we can play off each other really well.

I had an idea in my head about what I wanted to write about and tried doing that for a little while earlier tonight. It felt really forced to me so I abandoned it altogether. I think I’ll give it another try tomorrow during the day sometime. I’d like to have something concrete down when I see my friend again so I can explain the idea and then we can talk about what I have so far and how it could be illustrated. I’ve got a few ideas that could work well for one blog post or could possibly be broken up into more than one. I should really be creating an outline for them so as to give them more direction and structure. It would probably help while writing them if I wasn’t just winging it. So tomorrow I’ll sketch out a couple outlines and see if that helps with the writing. I pretty much know what I want to say, I just want it to flow well and feel disjointed or like the humor is being forced. I’m good at doing that in person and it went well in my stand up comedy routine so I know I can do it. The format is just a little different. That’s going to be my goal for tomorrow. It’s good to have goals.

Gratitude List:
My parents
My brothers
Not having to take allergy medicine