I can fall in love in a heartbeat. Provided the guy I’m currently pining over is unattainable. I’m not sure why that is. I generally fall for straight guys, but gay guys who are totally out of my league are sometimes targets. It’s like I’ve got this overwhelming desire to love; an emotional abundance that wants nothing more than to escape and latch on to another living human being. My heart aches inside when I think of these guys. Guys I don’t know much of anything about. Aside from what I can glean from how they look. Their posture, tone of their voice, clothes, eyes, smile, etc. Unfortunately it’s always people I’ll never have the balls to ask out. Or ones that I know are straight. Guys I go on dates with never fall into the ‘I like him so much it hurts category.’ It’s always men who are unavailable. I suppose it’s a lot less risky for me to feel that way about someone who’s surely never going to be able to reciprocate those feelings. I’ll get my heartbroken over and over again, but it won’t be for real. It won’t be ambiguous. I won’t have to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what he thinks about me. Sad that it’s safer, and preferred, for me to set myself up for failure over and over and over again than it is to take a risk on something that could actually work out.

Gratitude List:
Holding hands during movies
Fun people to hang out with
The opportunity to tell my story