Tomorrow I have to do a better job of trying to stay sane throughout the day. I’ve basically failed today. I went to a coffee shop earlier to get out of the house to read for a little while before going to a meeting I sometimes attend on Monday nights. Due to a combination of the tea, which ended up getting burnt, and the narcotics I’d taken before starting my journey, I felt nauseous and gross. I sat and debated skipping the meeting and just going home, but decided to go to the meeting anyway. It’s really the only meeting I can get to on my own right now because it’s within hobbling distance of my apartment. So I went to the meeting not realizing until I sat down how fucked up I was. I think being in a meeting magnifies those feelings, but I sat down and just felt high. It was not a fun experience. I don’t mind that feeling when I’m around people I know really well. I don’t mind that feeling when I go to a movie and am able to just sit and watch. To be honest, sometimes I like that feeling of being high the narcotics give me. Sometimes I like it a lot. But, if there is one thing I hate, it’s feeling that way at a meeting of alcoholics or narcotics anonymous. Thankfully I was able to just sit and listen throughout the meeting. Despite that, it was still tough to make it through the meeting and I probably would have left early if it hadn’t gotten really full and my path to the door too tricky to navigate on crutches while the meeting was going on. I do not want to have that experience again. I still feel kind of nauseous right now actually and I haven’t had any of the narcotics since I left for the coffee shop this evening.

I can’t say the rest of the evening has been much better. I’ve sat around inside and played my stupid online game all night. My brain feels fried from another day spending too much time on my computer and not really doing anything of value all day. I didn’t look for jobs, I didn’t look into anything regarding Chicago or my (hopefully) imminent move there. I wasted most of the day and feel gross now because of it. I’m excited to vote tomorrow and finally have the election over. I really hope the election goes well and that Obama wins, the marriage amendment fails in MN and that Prop 37 in California passes. All 3 would be awesome, but the likelihood of all of those things happening is pretty bad.