I went to an AA meeting today. It’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve been to one. The meeting itself was alright. It felt good just to be at one again. Hopefully I can start going to them with more frequency again soon.

I don’t like that I have to take these narcotics – especially because I like taking them. I like the way they make me feel when they kick in. It’s nice. I’m sure to only become more stressed out when I’m no longer employed and it worries me that I’ve got this addictive substance at my disposal. My doctor knows I’m in recovery and so far I’ve taken the pills as prescribed, but it’s still a concerning situation. I’d rather be done with them and no longer take them, but there’s a part of me that wants to keep taking them. I still have enough pain I can justify continuing to take them at this point. When I mentioned to the person at my doctor’s office I was going to try and ween myself off them when we spoke yesterday she said not to worry about it and that I was fine. I think they expect me to continue taking the pain medication for at least a couple more weeks before I’m done with it. I just hate that I’m enjoying taking them. I don’t necessarily like being in social situations where I’m kind of uncomfortable because I’m around people I don’t know that well while I’m taking them. It’s not fun to be fucked up around people under those circumstances, but there is definitely a part of me that likes that sense of well being – like everything is going to be alright and I can just relax that I get after I do take some. Hmm.