I’m tired. I didn’t really do anything today. I got up at about 1 pm and worked on the present I’m making for friend off and on all day. It’s pretty putzy work at this point, but hopefully if I work on it quite a bit over the next few days I’ll be done with it. We are getting together for her birthday in about a week and a half so I have quite a bit of time to get it done. The problem is it takes forever. I wish I had thought this through more when I’d started and realized how long it was going to take me. It really just doesn’t feel like a great return for the excessive amount of time I’ve invested and especially considering how much is left to do.

I have not done anything job search related for the last couple of days. It’s definitely a good thing I’ll be seeing Jim on Friday. I decided at the appointment I had before my surgery that I would dedicate 3 hours a day to job searching. For a little while after my surgery I was actually looking at jobs and coming up with a plan, but lately I’ve just been lazy. I really need to get off of these pain pills. I’m sleeping way more than I normally would be and I think I’d be much more productive on the job searching front if I wasn’t taking them anymore. I should really start weening myself off of them. The problem is, I like them and I like taking them. I like the way they make me feel. I guess this really shouldn’t be very surprising considering that I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict. A part of me figures that I’ll really only be taking them for a short while longer so it’s ok for now. I can’t decide if my logical, more responsible self believes that. I do still have pain though and it’s too early to be not taking anything for it. I could probably cut down on the oxycodone in the next few days so that’s going to be my goal. When I had the last surgery I was taking 10 mg every 4-5 hours when I decided to quit. The withdrawal I went through really wasn’t that much fun even though I didn’t need them for the pain any longer when I did quit. I don’t want to go through that again so I really am going to decrease to 5 mg before stopping entirely.

I absolutely must start applying for jobs. I haven’t applied for a single job at this point and the though of going back to the crappy one I left to have this surgery is not a happy thought. I can’t let that happen. I have a feeling the pain pills are allowing me to ignore that a little at this point. And they are also the reason I’ve put off doing too much on the job search. I’ve got a course of action, I just don’t feel like I can concentrate or be as deliberate as I’d like to be with it while taking these pills – like I’ve lost an edge I’m going to want when applying for jobs so as not to look sloppy with my resume or cover letters. So it’s pretty clear after writing this all out. The pain pills were fun for a little while, but it’s really time to either get off of them or at least decrease the dosage so in a few days I can hopefully be off of them. They also mess with my meditation and I’m getting a lot less out of meditating right now. Hmm.